#48 GO-LD Figure

Fans of Benefit may have noticed a disconcerting new trend. The brand that used to launch the sporadic, niche innovation seems to have switched into top gear and is now peddling products faster than you can say the words 'Press Release'. Now, I'm hardly against new bootie - I mean, news is how I make my money - but it's always startling when a brand's inventory goes from selective, to exhaustive, in a matter of months.

Having launched the Love Your Look range - which is, in itself, a complete make-up capsule, the last six months have also seen the birth of That Gal - a primer; D'Finer, D'Liner - for lips; California Kissin' - teeth-whitening lipgloss; Cupid's Bow - a lip-shaping set; Gee That Was Quick - a speedy make-up remover and You Clean Up Nice - a face wash. That's a hell of a lot of loot.

Anyway, lest I get off the point, the latest newbie is 24K - a 'sexy gold lipgloss' and 'sexy gold lipstick'. Now, I love gold. There has not been a summer in living memory which has not involved, at some point, a golden, shimmering body oil - (Nuxe, Sisley, Nars) - but I've never ventured to wear the shade on my lips. The problem is often that gold 'shimmer' actually translates as a strong statement, that wears off to a patchy, glitter-stuck-on-dry-looking-lips result. This has happened in the past and I feared a foray into 24K would be no different. I was sort of right. The 24K lipstick feels good - it glides on and is pleasantly emollient BUT the colour itself is rather outweighed by the glitter content. So, in soft, flattering, evening lamp light, it looks pretty and shimmery, but in the cold light of day, the actual glitter particles are easily discernible whereas the sheer golden hue itself is not. The lipgloss fared slightly better because its viscosity makes lips look seductively 'wet shiny', rather than 'dry spangly', but as with all glosses, it lasts about as long as it takes to drink a cup of tea and then you're left with bits of glitter stuck to gloss-less lips. It's not a Benefit slur as such - it's a common problem with glitter-infused products.

In the same gilted vein, Guerlain (LVMH owns both Guerlain & Benefit, if anyone's interested....) has gone all out with a flurry of precious products, which include L'OR - 'a radiance concentrate with pure gold' - which acts as a make-up base and Forever Gold - a super spangly powder for face and body. L'OR will appeal to anyone living on credit and gagging for the new Chanel 2.55. In truth, it's a bit of a gimmick - the gold particles float enticingly in the clear liquid, but dissolve on contact with skin in much the same way as anything else - no trace is left behind - precious maybe, but lacking in mettle. The serum is also very heavily fragranced, which will put a lot of people off and having used it before a night out a couple of times, I'm not convinced by it's radiance-enhancing properties. I think the promise is bigger than the product. On the other hand - and at the opposite end of the shimmer scale - Forever Gold is a powder-filled atomiser, that you 'puff' onto your skin where it leaves a very sparkly veil. Mine half exploded in the box, so when I opened it for the first time it left layers of scented fairy dust over my new black pinafore, which have proven a bugger to get out. Now, it's certainly true that if you want to gleam and glitter your way into a room, you could do a lot worse than this. And I'm sure it'll go down a storm at Xmas, when everyone lets loose. BUT, I have to say, for me, if it's visible to the naked eye, leaves a Tinkerbell-esque trace in the air and doesn't resemble anything that Mother Nature intended, it's a trend that I'm likely to sidestep. Crazy colour is one thing, but glitter is quite another and, for now, I'm washing my hands, face, lips and eyes of it. Over and over and over again.

#21 Allo Allo...

So, the weekend was cold and soggy-socked, but the bed was big and the tub generous and Mr M and I had nothing on our hands, but time. Oh, and food. Large, rustic portions, molten soufflés, oven-fresh bread. Yum yum yum. The same can be said for the Korres Fig Body Butter I packed. It’s for very dry skin – I think I have moderately dry skin – but it was a real treat. Full absorption requires dedicated rubbing, but it’s worth it. A great winter cream – which lets face it, given our current inside-of-a-washing-machine weather, is a grudging necessity. Also good for soles, elbows and scaly arms. The smell is unusual. I can’t say that I really know what a fig smells like as I’ve always been frightened of their worm-textured flesh, but the cream has a sweet, not sugary, whiff that didn’t compete with my perfume. Another buttery treat came in the form of the new Phytojoba. It's got the sort of thick, gloopy texture that reminded me of the mud pies I made as a child, but is a creamy colour with a sweet orange scent. I coated my hair from root to tip, sank into a hot bath and rinsed ten minutes later. I got silky, smooth, shiny hair. If you’re prone to flatness or greasy roots, add it to the tips of your tresses only. Whatever you do, it will really diminish dryness. Then there was the Chanel Inimitable Mascara. I’ve got very long, very straight lashes, so wearing the black stuff tends to weigh them down and undo the work of my heated curlers. I tried it. The brush is one of those odd plasticky porcupine designs that purportedly coats the lash from root to tip. I think this would be better for shorter lashes – I can imagine the stiffness of the elastomer bristles working well when worked down to the root of the lashline, but for my spiders’ legs, it delivered nothing more than a nice, deep coat of colour and decent separation. Nothing groundbreaking in that. All in all, it wasn’t a bad weekend’s work. Two buttery thumbs up, one so-so hand shake. Not to mention enough lunching, loving and loafing to keep Mr M and I going till next May… come what may.

#20 Adieu Adieu...

Ah, the joy of the dirty… ahem… long weekend. A few days without beeping inboxes, vibrating phones, growing paper-piles… just me, Mr M and the sea. Admittedly, it’s only the English sea and the weather is predictably dire, but I am not disappointed in the least. I have a large tub, a king-sized room and 24 hour room service at my disposal and Mr M and I intend to make the most of it. Packing for this trip has been a guilty pleasure. I’ve been rooting around in my newly acquired Muji storage system, pulling out those samples I’ve not yet had time to test and packing them into three different beauty bags – one for skincare, one for body and hair, one for make-up. I’m excited and shall dutifully report back on the performance of this trip’s travel kit. Every journey requires a different selection. Summer is all about bronzers, highlighters, after-sun and deep conditioners. Winter ski: lip protection, hydrators, foot cream and eye balm. The UK mini-break, well, you need a bag to ward off the grey of the sea and sky. This time, I have taken at least one new thing for each category –the new Körner Face Mist, Korres Fig Body Butter and the Chanel Inimitable Mascara. I’ve also stashed Phyto’s Phytojoba Conditioner, which I’ve not yet tried, despite the range having been recommended to me for years. Rainy days may await, but as long as there is experimentation on the bathroom agenda, I'm happy.

#15 Message Scent...

I've never succumbed to the idea that a woman should have a signature scent. It seems to be just the sort of thing that is advised by Debrett's, or Coco Chanel, or eccentric ex-Vogue fashion directors who wear the same precious musk every day and leave notes in their wills about getting doused with the stuff before being buried in it. Personally, I can think of nothing worse. How I wish to smell is dictated by one thing only - my mood. Today I was a Chanel No.19 girl. I needed a classic floral with a grown-up twist to counterbalance my girly sundress and topaz heels. Spot on. Yesterday, I wanted to feel sexy and as it was a little black dress night, I went for Jo Malone Pomegranate Noir - a scent that hooked my nose in seconds. On really happy days, when the sun is shining, but it's not too hot, I make a beeline for Miller Harris Fleur du Matin - I've sprayed it so many times that it's absorbed into the towels and tiles of my guest bathroom, for which I always receive compliments. When I want to lift my spirits or if I'm feeling slightly unwell and can't bear to wear a prim perfume, it's the new Aveda Yatra PureFume. It is how you'd expect to smell after a deep, calming Aveda massage. It uses a blend of four essential oils, two of which (rose and sandalwood) are among my favourites and also crop up in the glorious Aromatherapy Associates Rose & Sandalwood Facial Oil - which I've been known to rub on my wrists and neck in place of parfum.

I love them all - and hundreds more - Prada, Vivienne Westwood, Cerruti, several Miller Harris, Nina Ricci, Antonia's Flowers... Each one will smell 'correct' on a different day and not a single one is fitting all of the time. The joy is in deciphering the day's mood and matching it to the scent. The result can be harmonious - or disastrous. I once wore Miller Harris Citron Citron on a very dark day. A bad mood, bad weather, bad hair day. All day long it jarred - it was hitting major, sharp, citrus notes, while I wanted to be left alone to stomp around in the minors. I should have chosen something smoky, something musky or, perhaps, nothing at all. Then, at least, I wouldn't have had a beautiful scent sullied by my shady temper. But, you see, that is what I love about perfume. It requires a decision to be made that will not only have a visceral effect, but will ultimately also reveal a lot about you to the world at large. It's as communicative as a slash of red lipstick, an Amnesty International bumper sticker, a swastika. And the idea that a single bottle of scent could encapsulate my myriad moods or aptly express my everchanging mental state is nothing but ludicrous. Yet, because I've been asked to name my favourite scent so many times (even during a particularly odd job interview), I almost cultivated a fake one. No one would've known. No one but me...

No, for me, a signature would be nothing more than a fughese, a fake - a forgery.