#63 Backstage Whispers...

I'm not a 'fashionista' - lord, I hate that word - nor am I a gossip. But I have been backstage at London Fashion Week this week, jotting down what the top make-up artists have had sprawled across their work spaces and peeking in model's handbags for some insight into their beauty routines. It's been a long time since I was naive enough to assume that the products mentioned by the 'beautiful people' would be the holy grail of great skin - after all, this beauty biz is nothing if not entirely subjective. I know women who rave about Eve Lom and have not strayed from her pricey cleansing pot for years - and others for whom it is devil's juice - packed as it is with mineral oil, which can play havoc with blemish-prone skin.

Anyway, back to my i-Spying, where after five seconds witnessing the work of the backstage pros, one thing struck me more acutely than anything else - just how YOUNG the models were. You know their faces, you've seen their smiles, pouts and heavy-lidded winks - but until you've stood a centimetre away from Agyness or Bette Franke - all angular cheeks, velvet skin and licorice-lace legs - you really have no understanding of just how precious and cute these kiddies actually are. They are not powdered and painted to look so - they just ARE. Their skin, then, is hardly a product of expert handling - more a genetic wish granted and yes, wasted on the young. They're models for a reason - they walk in looking this good and were born to be beautiful. You might be able to pick up their favourite lipgloss or share their cleansing ritual, but it won't get you any closer to their look. Fact is, for the most part, the artists I shadowed did little more than blend a bit of concealer over circles (where there were circles), dabbed Vaseline over lids and brows, tapped cream blusher onto cheeks and etched in arches (most models have their brows dyed lighter which gives them a chameleon-like quality - want dark? Pencil 'em in. Want light? Et voila). Hardly taxing.

In the kits of three top artists, I spied Estee Lauder Maximum Coverage Lightweight Make-Up, MAC Face & Body Paint, MAC Cream Colour Base in Fabulush (patted onto lips and cheeks), Vaseline, Johnson's Baby Wipes, YSL Touche Eclat and Guerlain Issima Precious Light.

There wasn't a single girl who needed much work and most were in and out of the chair in ten minutes. It seems that if you are blessed with a canvas this clear, it's a case of child's play, all the way to the runway.

#60 Helping Husband

I attended a wedding last month, where my friend's husband - extremely cute in a Mark Owen/Richard Hammond/James McAvoy sort of way - looked utterly dreadful. Bless him. Red eyes, dark circles, patchy skin and a little breakout on the chin. The couple spent several hours on the night regaling guests with stories of just how insomniac, anxious, busy and run down they'd become in the run up... she on the other hand looked flawless, because, as is a bride's right, she'd chosen to have a professional hair and make-up artist transform her from under-fed and hollow-eyed, to glistening cheekboned and ruby-lipped. She might have missed a few winks, but there were no missed opportunities amidst the menfolk, who flocked to her like moths to Greta Garbo's ember-tipped cigarette - she'd never looked better. A few weeks later, I quizzed her on the routine and it came as no surprise that on the morning of the wedding she'd used a cleanser, exfoliator, two masks, eye patches, a calming oil and massage technique (borrowed from her facialist) and then had several primers, highlighters and bases expertly blended and applied by her premier artist. As for her hubby - who's since bounced back to his charming ways - he rolled out of bed after a mere 25 minutes sleep, washed, shaved and patted on moisturiser - hoping for the best, but feeling somewhat hollow and harrowed by the puffy-eyed man looking back at him in the mirror.

This is where I become exasperated. Had he known just three or four simple tricks (his wife was in no position to help, sleeping as they did in separate parts of the country the night before) - he could have fixed his face with minimal fuss and spent the night with chest puffed out, rather than deflated in self-conscious apology.

Having chatted to several of my best-looking and well kempt colleagues, I feel the need to share the following...

1) If you have had no sleep the night before and need to look your best, be gentle with your skin. Overzealous cleansing, exfoliating and shaving will leave your complexion looking as you feel: irritable.

2) A few basics: if your skin is calm, but just looks dull and tired, invest in an enlivening, radiance-enhancing product, such as Nickel Morning After Rescue Gel, £24 (www.nickelspalondon.co.uk) - do not use immediately after shaving.

3) If your skin looks dry and patchy, after cleansing try a mask that will even out skintone such as Dermalogica Multi-Vitamin Power Recovery Mask, £21.35 (hqhair.com).

4) If you have dark circles around your eyes, couple an eye gel or cream with light-reflective properties (my brother loves Lab Series Age Rescue Eye Therapy, £25 (hqhair.com) ) with a concealer. Many will know that I'm not a big fan of YSL's Touche Eclat - and on men in particular, it's very easily spotted (especially when looking back at photographs!). I therefore recommend Laura Mercier Secret Concealer, £18, because it comes in three SKIN-like colours and blends in seamlessly. For best results, apply eye cream and while skin is still the tiniest bit spongey with moisture, tap the concealer all along the orbital bone (the hollowest part of the undereye) with a little finger. When blended, stop.

5) There is no treatment on earth that will get rid of spots instantly. If you are well-off and well-connected, you can book in for an emergency spot shot from a reputable dermatologist(otherwise known as a cortisone injection), but for mere mortals, DIY methods must suffice. I don't rate toothpaste at all - I've seen girls with red rashes after regular zit attacks with the stuff.

If you have no time to spare, my best advice is to take a teeny bit of aspirin, grind it up and add a bit of water to make a paste and dab it directly onto the spot. Leave for a a couple of minutes then rinse away with ice cold water. This will take down some swelling and redness. Another great option is to pop eye whitening drops, which constrict blood vessels thereby reducing blood flow (and redness), directly onto the spot. My current favourite blemish cover-up is Avene Couvrance Concealer Brush, £11 (boots.com). It is a pen-style applicator and comes in a beige and a green shade. If you can afford both, I'd recommend using the green concealer on red areas first, before blending, and then brushing the beige colour over that. Faffy it may be, but the formula blends down to utter invisibility and has never once felt heavy on my cake-prone skin.

Poor guys. I may not be receptive to the ongoing male battle to keep tools in trousers, but I'm certainly more than sympathetic should they choose to whip the odd trick out of their sleeves.

#46 Return to Splendour

I've had a tropical couple of weeks in a country hotter than a body cavity and having flown out with a case, tagged with the dreaded 'Heavy' stickers, I returned a lot lighter (in luggage), calmer in mind and darker in skin. My stash did not let me down. Here's the verdict:

1. Liz Earle skincare - did the trick. In my opinion the Spiezia Organic Cleanser that I left behind still does the job better, but the Liz Earle combo certainly didn't let my sun/sea/pool-dried face down. Skin was soft, hydrated and clear all holiday.

2. The MOP stuff was hot too. The Conditioning Mist was particularly good - giving hair a simple dose of discipline - keeping it from puffing or frizzing in the heat. For days in the pool, the Styling Conditioner was a convenient choice. Combed through wet locks, it kept them in place, nourished and feeling softer when rinsed out later than night.

3. Aveda Damage Remedy. I used it every night - which is a bit OTT - but my hair never felt limp or greasy. Despite pool and sea marathons, the mane still feels silky and looked shiny every day.

4. Murad Oil-Free Sunblock Tinted SPF15. The hint of colour evened out imperfections whilst protecting me from the late afternoon sunlight. It felt nice and light, although as the mercury rose, it didn't stop me looking sweaty of shiny.

5. Derma Mum Stretch Mark Oil. This is even nicer than the cream. Every evening my limbs were soothed and left glistening with this nourishing blend of oils. I used it everywhere. It's fragrance-free too, so didn't compete with my choice of scent.

6. Sisley Phyto Touche Golden Oil. Used for one night only, on bronzed legs, whilst wearing a mini dress. Desired effect achieved. Wink wink.

7. Liz Earle Suncare. Hmmmm. Effective yes, attractive - h-Oh no. The face protector SPF 25, left a thick, bright, white layer on the skin - of course this is to be expected as it's a PHYSICAL suncreen - but even so, it wasn't sexy. I ended up using the body one a lot more (SPF 15) as it blended down to a less pallid finish and on my face I traded and pledged new allegience to Yon-Ka Ulta Protection Factor 40, which lasted very well, was waterproof and moisturised beautifully.

8. YSL Blush Variation in 16. Well, it ended up being just too pink. Once tanned, my skin longed for a hot red-pink or a golden apricot shade.

And, lest I provoke more wrath from the weather with my jealousy-inducing summer 'capades, I shall leave it there.

#45 Hers & Hers

Packing for a summer holiday takes serious self-control. Or, if you're like me, you'll just nip out and buy a bigger suitcase and then go seriously nuts and cram in every last bottle, in the hope that you'll finally get around to using those summer goodies that the PRs have been sending over to you for the last four months. Hooray I say. It's been joyous. I've been rattling through my drawers and cupboards all week, pulling out saved sachets, myriad minis (I'm taking about 50 which'll take up legions more space than if I'd opted for full sizes) and best of all, make-up palettes with glittering ambers, bronzes, yellows, golds - colours I revel in wearing when I've got a bit of a tan. The entire bottom of my suitcase is now lined with various vessels and I'm all excited. I've got skimpy shorts, bright sundresses, three new bikinis and a product for every possible occassion. I've really given in to my inner beauty ed. this time and here's just a small selection of what I'm packing:

1. Liz Earle Skincare - Skin Repair Light, Cleanse + Polish, Instant Boost Skin Tonic. (I've actually been using Spiezia's Organic Cleanser of late - which I prefer as it's 100% chemical free - but I fear the oil blend would melt and leak all over the luggage if I were to take it with me on this particular escape. NOTE to Spiezia: please make a travel-sized tube!!)

2. MOP C System - Styling Conditioner, Conditioning Mist, Hydrating Shampoo and Conditioner. Nourishing, never strips and smells yu-hummy.

3. Aveda Damage Remedy Intensive Restructuring Treatment. The BEST. No quibbles - works every time and smells wonderful. Bloody brilliant.

4. Murad Oil-Free Tinted Sun Block SPF 15. Have been using it every day - great healthy sheen, potent antioxidant protection.

5. Derma Mum Stretch Mark Oil. The bottle's smaller than the big mama tub of cream that I've been using, but with all the same skin-healing oils.

6. Sisley Phyto Touche Golden Oil. It's mini, looks precious and gives tanned limbs shimmer, without glitter.

7. Liz Earle Suncare. Never tried it, but the chemical-free, broad spectrum protection is just up my street. Let's see how it performs...

8. YSL Blush Variation in 16. A new, vibrant pink/peach shade that I've had stashed for weeks.

All packed. All excited. All done...

#26 Touche-y Subject

The statistic - one Touche Eclat wand is sold every twenty seconds. I can see why. I used to love this little lightning rod - I'd swipe it everywhere - over eye bags, red patches, cheekbones, browbones, down the side of the nose. I went through one a month. Then, out of nowhere, I started to get red, itchy, swollen patches under my eyes and the minute I tried to cover the rashes up with more Touche Eclat - Kapow! Ouch ouch ouch. It stung like hell. So, I cut out the T.E. and within a week the eczema had cleared up completely. I asked around. I didn't want to think that I was the only person out there who had an allergic reaction, so I went on the search for kindred spirits. And there they were. A cousin. A work colleague. Another beauty editor. I certainly wasn't the first and I won't be the last. All of us, grouped together by our unfortunate sensitivity, had been brought out in eczema (most commonly around the eyes) after using the wand and, bizarrely, most of us had experienced the reaction after several hiccup-free months of faithful fellowship.

I've used myriad undereye concealers since - my eyes certainly know a good concealer when they see one. My test? An inadvisable look into the magnifying mirror - if lines, flakes, cracks, ridges form after application, it's binned. I found Laura Mericer's Secret Concealer too heavy; Estee Lauder's Ideal Light too 'silicone-y'; Jane Iredale's Active Light was a pain in the a*** to blend and Pout's Eyewander was not discernible enough for my liking (though, in fairness, it does not parade itself as a 'concealer', but as an 'illuminator'). Dior's Skinflash is my new staple. It brightens and blends beautifully. Plus, it's a handsome little devil that lasts all night and won't leave you with a rash in the morning... swoon.