# 115 Lippity Split

Anyone who regularly reads this blog will know that I'm a balm maniac. I'm not blessed with unflappable (or unchappable) lips, and come winter, my mouth is really put to the test. I'd been swapping between Prescriptives Lip Specialist Triple Action Therapy (now, ain't that a mouthful), Trilogy Everything Balm and Mama Mio Wonder-Full Balm when it became undeniably obvious that none of them were working. Fearing a case of the ol' overdoing it, I cut back to Prescriptives; a week later, when lips were chappier than a rodeo show, I tried Trilogy - this was better, but re-application seemed to be required every few minutes; then Mama Mio, which I'm convinced made my lips a lot worse (it seems better on dry body patches than lip-situated ones).

Despairing, and with a pout that just would not stop peeling, I emailed the Sisley PR. Two days later the Nutritive Balm arrived and just one day in, the chaps are healing nicely. I said I wouldn't fork out for this one (it's just SO bloody expensive and in such a little pot) - but I'm now entirely convinced that it's the best lip balm on the market by a very very long way. And other readers have concurred. Accept no substitute. (Oh and I also tried Nivea, Chapstick, Carmex & Suqqu).

And while I'm talking about poor substitutes, my recent trip into sulfate-free shampoos has come up against some problems. First bump in the road: Naked Shine Hydrating Shampoo. Nice smell, decent lather on the second wash (not on first), and not-bad levels of shine left on hair shaft... along with (*pet peeve alert*), a nasty, tacky residue along the scalp, where the product refused to rinse away cleanly (this was on outing 4 or 5).

So, the question - is there a decent, clean-rinsing, moisturising, calming & shine-boosting sulfate-free shampoo out there?

A friend has mentioned Louise Galvin - I tried her range many moons ago, so perhaps it's worth another shot. Another colleague swore by Frederic Fekkai's sulfate-free shampoo during her pregnancy - so we'll see how this fares too.

I shall feedback in good time - and in the meantime, do weigh in with your recommendations. My hair & I need you!

# 105 Overrated and Out

I am a smiley and happy person. Always have been. I enjoy all the little things - movies, mornings, Dairy Milk and live music - and spend most days strolling around with a spring in my step. Venting spleen is not a regular part of my repertoire, or it wasn't until I set up this blog. And perhaps because I have this outlet for my secret frustration (The editor wants me to write about what?!! But it's crap!!! Please, can I not just say that it is CRAP!!!? I can't? Why not? I'm fired?! You can't do that!!!! - is how the scene would play out in the middle of an open office), I am far less inclined to gripe about the other stuff. Such as the fact that the only men who ever hit on me are of the unwashed and obnoxious variety; that my bus journey home takes 20 minutes on a good day and an hour and 20 minutes on the one Friday night when I'm making dinner for friends; that they've screwed up the X Factor format beyond repair and that James McAvoy is happily married (and in my world of fictional singledom, this troubles me: cue heart-string twinge).

So, to kick my weekend off in sunny style, I'm offloading a few of my beauty bugbears... in the hope that they might just put a conspiratorial smile on your face too.


Eve Lom Cleanser
Yes, yes, I know - it really does work miracles on some people. And I should know. I was one of the converted for two good skin years, when despite the occasional deep, cystic breakout (should have known!) I reached a pleasing plateau of glow and softness. Then, Eve forgive me, I quit (because I have a problem with how much money she charges for what is essentially a pot of dirt-cheap mineral oil)and my skin manifested itself into what could only be described as a plague upon my face. It took months for things to go back to normal and when I attempted to crawl back to this cleanser, tail between legs, it just wouldn't have me. Spot central. Oh, and don't like the smell either. Polite beauty editors call it 'medicinal' or 'herbal'... don't be fooled... it smells distinctly unnatural... a bit like grubby rubber. On another note, when I started using it (about 8 years ago now), the formula was creamier (and felt better on the skin) than it does now, when I've noticed that it's become grainier.

Salt Scrubs (in general)

Perhaps it's just me, but I've never found a salt scrub that actually does what it says on the packet. I've tried Elemis, The Sanctuary, The Body Shop, Bliss etc etc and the sensation is always distinctly uncomfortable and refuses to produce any ostensible difference (besides redness). Why are they so popular? In the most basic terms you are taking hundreds of shard-edged crystals and scratching them up and down your body and while the surrounding oils may do your skin some good, the salt seems like the obvious miscreant in the equation. Now I steer clear of scrubs altogether and load up my cheap-as-chips Superdrug Exfoliating Gloves with moisturising body wash and have a good rubdown.



Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream
I dislike this for all the same reasons that I dislike the Eve Lom cleanser. It's packed with mineral oil and lanolin (a common irritant) and has the sort of "herbal" (READ: petrol-chemical) smell that turns my stomach. It chapped my lips something chronic, scared the bejesus out of my husband (who said it tasted revolting; kisses off menu for about a month thereafter), and the more I used it, the worse things got. And just to clarify, once and for all, petrolatum cannot hydrate skin. It has no water in it, and as an oil is not refined enough to penetrate even the most superficial layers of skin. It sits atop of the surface, providing a barrier to foreign bodies/drying air currents etc etc certainly, but not doing anything more miraculous than that... which leads me onto...

Vaseline

A ha. Another one. So it looks cool slicked over eyelids and high on cheekbones (on the floodlit runway; in real life it just looks greasy), but it does nothing whatsoever to moisturise lips or any other part of the body. It can make a temporary difference to cracked heels and hands, when worn with conditioning gloves for example, but the results will be short-lived. It does not heal or repair or protect. It is the most basic and bog standard of products, with no beautifying power at its disposal. What-so-ever.


Eyeko Sparkly Eye Pencil

The little kid in me, who used to collect comic books, wear pink capes and sketch Manga-style heroines in Physics lessons, can still be drawn to the quirky beauty brands, but my run in with Eyeko's Sparkly Eye Pencil was far from comical. I foolishly opened it up and ran it along my lashline without testing it on my skin first. Christ, the pain. It's glass-hard, scratchy and uneven (thanks to all the real glitter particles in it...). If you've ever glitter & glued as a child and accidentally rubbed your eyes, you'll know how I felt. This one's a health hazard.


Revlon Beyond Natural Skin Matching Foundation

'It goes on white and adjusts to match your exact skin tone.' Ha! My palest friend looked as though she had been tangoed and I took on a very scary tan shoe polish, with a lovely greasy tide mark around my chin for good measure. Fetching. Ladies, be very wary of anything that says it will change colour to match your complexion... which leads us to...

...Estee Lauder Daywear Plus Sheer Tint Release Formula
The exact same thing. I used it after a shower at the gym. It felt and smelt rather nice, blended easily (feeling much more like a day cream than foundation), and then I hopped on the tube and into town. Woe be-tide mark. The same greasy film of fake tan-ness over skin and when I blew my nose I left a Rorschach Test behind on the sheet. Ick.


Bliss Steep Clean Cleanser
I have a bit of a problem with Bliss in general really. The professional theory sounds enticingly strong (we're famed for our facials, get our skincare here &, voila, have a pro-style treatment at home), but I've never felt it delivers. Regardless of what beauty editors recommend on their pages, what they actually use is what really speaks volumes (and to discover that you have to trawl their cabinets just like every other nosey dinner guest), and I've never found a single one of my beauty ed friends who uses Bliss products themselves. Body, sure! But for face? The formulas all seem a bit too strong, harsh, drastic... take this cleanser for example. The website says: Steep Clean Cleansing Milk is the ultimate cleansing weapon for t-zones that are bogged down by clogging or worse, clad with acne. Formulated with smoothing salicylic acid and enzymes to digest dead cells and diminish inflammation. It's 'the bomb' on breakouts. My beauty ed hackles go up here, because I know that if you're using an enzymatic and salicylic acid formula twice a day, every day, it's more than likely that you'll get to a point where skin will sensitize, or be over-stripped, and then it will begin to play up again. Which is what happened to me. It might work for those with excessively greasy T-zones, but then again, I'm a staunch believer in treating oily skin conditions with oil-based products. 'The bomb' should've been warning enough really...


Embryolisse Cream
Every bloody year 'the models' rave on about this French pharmacy find, which apparently works all number of miracles 'eet's so sooooothing! eet's so caaaaaaalming, eet's soooooo gooooood!'. It's mineral oil is what it is. So, it's not really any better than E45 or any of the other bog standard emollient white creams you get from the chemist... and it absolutely won't work any miracles. Models look that way already. Sorry, but someone had to let you in on the secret.


Kate Somerville Gentle Daily Wash
I had heard and read so many wonderful things about this LA facialist to the stars that when the lovely Space NK PR sent half the line over for me to test, I was convinced I'd find my new favourite thing. What is it they say about great expectations? It left my skin with that horrible if-I-smile-I'm-sure-to-split feeling and a tingle that lasted over an hour. Thank the lord I didn't start with the Purify Cleanser. Ouch.

#90 No Kidding Gloves

I remember reading once that Scarlett Johansson's bottom is as soft and pert as a fresh peach. That was the comment made by the make-up artist on the set of 'Lost in Translation', where the bountiful SJ spent an indecent amount of time in her scanties (remember those peer-through sheer pink ones?). Now, before this descends in to perv-ville, I'll cut to the chase and say that on reading those words, my heart sank. Heck, my butt probably dropped another couple of millimetres too. You see, despite dousing myself in lotion and scrubbing my skin until it threatens to bear bone, I've never had flawless, silky skin. It's always better in summer when arms are aired and I've been dipping in and out of the sea (which works wonders) - but on an average day in the middle of London, hidden beneath my clothes there will be a pair of blotchy arms, an unhappy looking thigh and perhaps a slightly scratchy-feeling calf. Schexy? Non. And though I've found some killer body creams in my time, none of them succeed in eking out sufficient, long-term changes.

So, imagine my surprise when I recently spent the evening with my sister and two of her buttery-bodied best friends, and discovered how they had all managed to emerge from winter's sarcophagus, as satin-soft as a Galaxy bar: Exfoliating Gloves - the really cheap ones you can pick up from Boots and Superdrug.

I've tried dozens of sponges, scrubs and body brushes in my time, but until I picked up these man-made (and very scratchy when dry) mitts, I had never come as close to that 'peachy skin' sensation.

My sister (who really does have the SOFTEST skin), has a shower and at the end, when skin is soft and warmed up, douses the gloves (wet) with Dove Moisturising Shower Cream and rubs, in circular motions, from toes to tops of arms. Round and round, just like Karate Kid mid-Wax On Wax Off session. She does it once a week.

Her friend uses Dove too, same gloves, but does it everyday.

Me, well, I've found that taking a lovely long hot bath, filled with NEOM Organics Bath Oil in Restore (there are no words), then popping gloves on, dipping them into the moisturising, oily water, and buffing away at skin while still wet and hot from the bath, shaves off all the scales and leaves things smile-inducingly smooth. To finish, a generous layer of Spiezia Organic Restorative Body Balm (another recent and much-loved discovery). No hyperbole - truly - just blissfully, baby-soft skin. Problem is, the winter wardrobe now seems to assault, rather than comfort... but, well, it's a small price to pay for a posterior as soft (one hopes) as Scarlett's...

#78 Skipping Breakfast...

I've spent almost 30 years of my life washing my face before bed, then again upon waking. This twice-a-day routine has served me well and it never occurred to me to stop. Then, on a recent holiday, I packed insufficient cleanser. I'm in love with my cleanser, so was loathe to stock up on local pharmacy goods. So, I had no choice but to skimp on what I had and out went the morning cleanse. I ensured that my night-time wash was thorough (I'm a disciple of the whole muslin cloth & cleansing balm school of cleansing)and did nothing other than splash my face with warm, then very cold water a few times in the morning. Psychologically, I wasn't a big fan. I couldn't get over the feeling that my skin wasn't 'clean' - but, logically, it's a perfect premise. You scrub and slough at night, apply a treatment, and unless you're planning on rolling down hillsides or digging ditches in your sleep, there's no reason to wonder why skin would 'dirty' itself overnight. There are some experts who claim that the skin purges itself of toxins while you sleep, so a morning cleanse is essential; others who argue that skin is in a constant state of flux and does not do any more purging at night than it does during the day. In any case, a good splash with warm water should be enough to rinse off the rubbish - right? Well, I don't have a conclusive answer - just my own experience, which showed me that there was no significant difference in my skin when it got demoted from a twice-daily to a once-daily cleanse. NO spottier. NO oilier. NO drier.

My little travel-sized pot of cleanser is still going strong... for once, saving my skin is also saving me money.

#77 The Tan Plan

Having just returned from a long holiday in the sun, here's the Hot List:

I avoid the sun - always have, always will. But, despite wearing generous amounts of SPF50 every single day in the sun, reapplying every 30 minutes and avoiding the midday sun I have still developed a natural golden tan - minus burns, pinkness, freckles, sun spots, peeling or dry patches. I've been using Garnier Ambre Solaire Kids Rapido High SPF50 Fragrance-Free Spray and UV Sensitive Very High 50+ Protection Stick. They're great. No weird skin sensitivity or spottiness - plus they really stay put. Thumbs up.

For days when I've stayed in the shade, I've liked Sisley Sunleya Age Minimizing Sun Protection SPF15. It smells good, isn't greasy and feels lovely if you've got a chlorine-baked complexion.

Another valuable lesson I've learned is that my eyebrows always look weird on holiday. The mistake I made (and I confess, I think I do this every darn summer), however, was to pluck them thinner on my first day away as the guestroom mirror/lighting situation convinced me they needed a bit of threshing. Idiot. As my tan developed, my brows lightened, and the definition they ordinarily give my face faded. By the end of the week I looked bald of brow & perennially pissed off. Never again.

My holiday favourites?

My trusty Darphin Purifying Balm. To clear up spots, dry patches, uneven bits and to give you a clearer complexion by morning, I would never dream of travelling without it.

I'm also impressed with Essential Care Organic Mosimix. It did a grand job of warding off the winged beasties minus all the chemical chokeage. It's also extremely moisturising, so there's no need to use anything else after a bath at night.

All in all, not a bad haul.

#76 The Pretty Penny Drops...

Despite years of fingers in pots, there are a few beauty mistakes and misdemeanours that stand out... things I've done wrong, for too long, before realising the error of my ways.

My first confession comes in the form of Origins Incredible Spreadable Scrub. I've written about this before after a couple of uses and well, my skin never really saw the light. Recently, however, it occurred to me that I might simply smear the paste onto my arms, legs, bottom and thighs, once damp and hot from showering, leave it on for a few minutes, which is enough time for the scratchy salty granules to soften and begin to dissolve, and then rub, gently, until the formula disentegrates completely. The other thing I realised was that I didn't need to moisturise afterwards - the oils in the scrub do an admirable job. Bizarrely, ever since skipping the moisturiser and going easier on the scrub, my skin's been transformed - truly - and is as soft as it would be after a two week beach holiday. Happy days.

Other mistakes I've made in the past involve retinol. Where my skin has reacted (growing red, puffy or sore), I've felt assaulted and left the product well alone. As it turns out, anyone using retinol for the first time can expect a reaction - be it spottier skin than normal or a more delicate disposition. Bear with it, and reduce usage from every night to every other night (or 2/3 times a week) and things should improve. As the savvy facialist Sarah Chapman assured me - the moment she began using retinol, some ten years ago now, her skin went insane. But, once settled, she rarely suffered a breakout again - and her skin is even, clear and plump. That's proof enough for me. And with retinol usage of any kind, you must must must wear sunscreen every day afterwards.

Then there's mascara. I've lived the majority of my 30 years on earth convincing myself that I do not need it. I have dark lashes and big eyes and, well, mascara has just always been one of those things that seem too unnecessary a hassle to bother with in the morning. Then I learned that less is more. A great wand, jet black, rammed into the root of the lash and wiggled about before being drawn through upper lashes just once, is a real eye-opener. Since wearing mascara in this way, I've used far less make-up elsewhere - if the eyes are framed, everything else sort of falls into place. A great new wand that's got my vote is Lashfusion Pure Protein Lash Plump. Great non-cloggy formula. Thick, rich blackness. Lovely brush and impressive lash-fattening power. Chatecaille and No7 also make wonderful mascaras. I take a daily dose now and wouldn't dream of stopping.

The other product I've recently fallen for is hair removal cream. I know - hardly glamourous. For years, however, I was a waxer. I've always been fairly peach-fuzzy of face and like a clean jaw and top lip (despite hair being fair) and have discovered that by removing hair entirely from these areas, my face is immediately given a more chiselled appearance - the planes of the cheek and jawbones reflecting light in a seriously flattering way. Then 6 months ago, I decided to try IPL. Which was brilliant. Fabulous. Didn't hurt, hairs started falling out of their own accord, growing back lighter bla bla bla. The only problem was that regrowth could not be bleached or waxed in between - it had to be shaved (as if!!) or removed with cream. The latter was initially disgusting - it smelt bad, stung a little and didn't remove the hair entirely - leaving little burnt down stubs that looked like I'd leaned too close to a struck match. Then, for some reason, the second time I tried it, it worked brilliantly. I used Boots Facial Hair Removal Cream - left a thick layer on for about 10 minutes (well, it didn't sting, so figured that was okay - despite on-pack instructions) - then swept it all away et voila. All gone, all clear, all smooth. And, best bit, nothing grew back for over a month and what did was light and sparse.

Not groundbreaking life lessons I grant you, but, I'll admit, they were still enough to make my day.

#70 In Yer Face

Want a good facial? Here's a bit of advice...

- A good facial should never, ever leave you blotchy or sore (of course, I'm not talking about deep peels or laser treatments here - this is, for the moment, all about SKINCARE treatments). I once experienced an overzealous facial that was pure agony - a girl who literally dug into my pores for 30 minutes straight, as though panning for gold - I left with a swollen, stinging nose and her words ringing in my ears, 'It was tough this time, but it will get easier with each visit.' Needless to say, there was never a strike two.

- Even great facials can result in breakouts - but, in my experience, the better the facialist, the fewer the post-treatment spots you will have. I believe that this is linked to how rough and inexperienced some therapists can be - the tougher the skin is treated, the more the sebaceous glands are stimulated... et voila.

- The best facials should involve some serious massage, perhaps an electrical device or two, at least one spa-strength treatment and savvy, sensible advice. It should not simply be an hour of spritzing, patting, rubbing, washing and layering on of products. Well, we can all do that at home can't we?

- The best facialists can carry out extractions - even deep ones - without so much as a flushing of the skin. The best pair of hands that I have ever come across belong to Sarah Chapman (www.sarahchapman.net) - who repeatedly steams and massages skin with oil until it is calm, pliable and readily purged without trauma. She is a master of extraction.

- The best facialists probably won't stick to a single skincare brand. There are some brands who are said to carry out good facials - Dermalogica, Natura Bisse, Yon-Ka etc, but, end up with an inexperienced therapist and you will not see impressive benefits. It's therefore far better to find yourself a therapist whom you trust - regardless of the products used. Believe me, a skincare expert can work wonders; a skincare line used for an hour once a month will not.

That, my facial-seeking friends, is my short, shortlist...

#68 Mineral Fake-Up

I'm wary of even mentioning the word 'mineral' now, as I know just how aggressively consumers are being bombarded with new launches - and yes, it is all a bit much. Particularly when you actually break down what's going on. Mineral make-up is being lauded as the answer to women's prayers - a sheer, flattering veil of cover that simultaneously heals and protects skin - pure enough to sleep in! (Multiple exclamation marks punctuated with rolling of eyes and yawns from the Beauty Ed's desk). Fact is, it ain't that sheer, it doesn't really protect (unless you wear potloads) and you don't EVER want to sleep in it.

OK, so most of it certainly isn't any worse than what we're already putting on our skin - and most of it doesn't contain preservatives, artificial dyes and animal byproducts etc - BUT it's still not pure or beneficial enough to warrant the fanfare. At best, it's full of metal oxides and mica - but as the acne-prone will vouch for - zinc, aluminium and iron oxides are occlusive - we're talking about the same stuff that is found in mineral sunblocks after all. They do not let 'skin breathe' - another mineral make-up myth - they're heavy metals and all they really do is just sit there, reflecting away the sun's light. On the upside, they're stable compounds which are unlikely to cause allergic reactions - hence why mineral make-up is often recommended to sensitive and rosacea-prone skin types AND there is a smattering of research that suggest zinc oxide can help damaged skin heal itself - but only in so far as it provides a barrier that sits atop the wound, thereby keeping out foreign bodies. Not particularly miraculous.

Then there's Bismuth Oxychloride - a few other beauty editors have clocked onto this recently, and it's about time, because this compound is actually a man-made one, formed from an industrial chemical process and is the byproduct of lead and copper refining. It's found in lots of different mineral make-up brands and new research suggests that it might also cause sensitivity reactions. So... you start to get the scary picture...

But it gets even worse. Quite apart from the mineral make-up that is in fact 100% mineral make-up (and can therefore only contain a combination of metal oxides and mica - a naturally occuring mineral, that gives products 'shimmer') - there are now the new breed of products that proclaim amazing skin benefits - 'good enough to sleep in, promotes skin health, great for acne-prone complexions as it lets skin 'breathe'' - and are simply lying. Glance at the label of any of the new big brand launches and you can bet your bottom dollar that there will be a long list of unidentifiable, and often chemical, components in there too - hardly the pure as air formula being spouted by the marketing material.

My advice?
- Read every label. The fewer ingredients the better.
- Don't automatically assume that mineral is better. Drier skins often experience a chalky finish as the powder is prone to settling on flake-prone areas.
- If you love your mineral make-up, remember that although the formula may not harbour bacteria (being physically inert and unable to degrade) the brush used to deposit it will not be exempt. Wash it regularly!
- Don't rely on mineral make-up to give you your sun protection. It's immensely difficult to get a handle on how much needs to be applied in order to obtain the protection given on the packet. You're far better off applying a moisturiser with built-in sunscreen, before applying make-up.
- And, never go to sleep in it. Skin detoxes and repairs itself at night and a mineral coating sitting within and atop pores will not do your face any favours.

It would seem that when it comes to mineral make-up, the only thing that does seem clear is that nothing should be taken at face value...

#67 Cut Your Nose Off...

Any beautiful person will tell you that the problem with chasing perfection is that you'll never be satisfied. If you make a living from your face, your eyes become magnifying instruments - honing in on every pore, blemish, discolouration and fine line. We all want that preternaturally airbrushed look - a complexion that can withstand analysis in blaring sunlight sans maquillage - but how realistic is this wish? The fact is, perfect skin is achievable. You just need a lot of money, a lot of expert attention and a lot of time. The downside is that you'll become so impossibly anal about your skin that it may well begin to dominate your every waking thought. If you rise with a clear complexion, it is as though a minor miracle has occurred. All is good, the world is benevolent, the skincare range you are using is magnificent. If, however, a pre-period pimple appears, or you get a patch of stubborn, subcutaneous lumps and bumps along the chin, life stands still. Your mood falls. Your regime is crap and you are already on the look out again for another miracle cure. So, when does it become time to break the cycle - to step away from the mirror and accept that we are all human and will all have good and bad skin days?

In my case, the penny has yet to drop. I have always had calm, clear skin. The odd spot throughout my school years, the odd rash from a heavily fragranced product. Then I became a beauty writer. Every time I met with a PR or an industry expert, I felt as though my skin was in the spotlight. Luckily, most of the time it withstood the attention. I was told I had the skin of an 18 year old. That my skin would age well - it's olive and slightly oily, for which I thank the genetic lottery - and that in general, everything was A-OK.

However, recently, the playing field has become more competitive. I met one of the world's leading cosmetic dermatologists yesterday in a dark, dusky back room in a hotel as he was in town to launch a new product. Nothing prepared me for the surprise of meeting this lauded and legendary man face-to-face. I loathe bitchy blogs, so I am not disparaging this premiere facemaker for the sake of venting spleen - I am merely remarking on how difficult it seems to be to find a sane, sober, sensible solution to skincare in this bizarre beauty world of mine... and this is made plain as day when faced with an 'expert' who is playing god, perhaps a little too freely, with his own face.

My other pet peeve? When an 'expert' takes a cursory glance at your skin and announces that s/he has precisely the solution for your blocked pores/shiny nose/circled eyes... et VOILA!.. here it is, 'My new skincare launch!' Puh-lease. Not only will I pay no heed to a nano-second consultation held in a candlelit, cavernous room, but I'm telling you now, that attitude won't have me spending a penny on your products either. I am, for example, extremely allergic to retinol. I break out in rashes whenever it goes anywhere near my skin - yet I have, in the past, been blindly prescribed several retinol-rich products, without so much as a question as to my skin's history or common reactions. These short-cut, and scrappy, skincare analyses - very common for Beauty Eds who are always dashing from press event to expert's office and are always having products recommended (i.e. HARD-SOLD) to them - really get my goat.

I propose something radical. An industry of skincare experts who tell it like it is. Someone who says, 'This may not work for you - it doesn't for everyone - but try it and see.' Or, 'I think your skin's just fine - stick with what you're already doing.' At the very least, have the professional courtesy to take a good look at my skin before sending me off with the entire product range and promises of an epidermal epiphany. I'm tired of this over-sell, over-kill, over-exaggerated attitude. As ever, I would like a little truth served alongside my beauty...even if it hurts.

#65 Elementary, My Dear

So as not to prematurely write off Elemental Herbology (see post #64), I gave the Cool & Clear Cleanser and Soothing Oil Free Moisturiser another shot. BAD IDEA. My skin went insane again. So, this time round it wasn't actually a result of my perennial mixing and matching, so much as the direct result of using this new range - which my skin absolutely cannot tolerate. Complexions of a sensitive disposition, you have been warned (and if the manufacturers get heed of this, I would suggest they either re-test or re-label these formulas ASAP). This stuff snubs chemical-laden ingredients, looks the business and smells good, but it's left me looking like a blowfish twice in two weeks. Of course, this is all about my skin, so it's perfectly plausible that others (particularly non-sensitive, oily skins) will have better luck. The BIG problem, however, is that these particular products are being marketed as great for sensitive, irritable and spot-prone skin. Hmmmmm. As Sherlock Holmes may well have said to his dear friend, Watson, 'Put that in your pipe and smoke it.'

#61 Premature Estimation

To understand just how little guidance real women get when questing after skincare solutions, one need only recall the recent frenzy for Boots No 7 Protect & Perfect - with thousands of people (the men all apparently buying for partners) diving to get their hands on the latest 'elixir of youth.' What this serum had, that far fewer anti-ageing counterparts have been subject to, was some TV time behind it - forming part of a much-watched Horizon documentary shown late last year. So, can anyone even remember the facts behind the product? Or has hype overtaken sense yet again?

To recap, laboratory tests were headed up by an expert dermatologist - who tested No 7 Protect & Perfect and deemed it to be effective at combating sun damage.

Ah. If only it were that simple. The fact is, the test was a very small one involving just 9 volunteers... oh, and it was carried out on their forearms - not their faces.

Following the results of the initial 'HORIZON' experiment, the dermatologist (Professor Chris Griffiths), has since initiated a six-month double-blind clinical trial, involving 60 volunteers: “We are giving the cream to 30 people to use on their faces and a normal moisturiser to 30 more as a placebo. At present we are about halfway through the trial, although we have not started assessing the results yet.”

So, this is the real test. I mean, it involves actual people's faces, which is a good place to start when trying to assess whether or not a face cream works...

Of course, cosmetics companies aren't stupid. If they are to claim significant 'skin-healing' benefits that border on pharmaceutical, it would then be necessary to subject said products to an enormous battery of expensive tests that could take years. Our governing bodies might allow cosmetics companies free reign over their own research (which is not to say that most companies don't carry out impressive, stringent and exhaustive tests - well, would you risk the lawsuit?!) but pharmaceutical companies do not get the same grace - which is why we now have the frustratingly wooly term, cosmeceutical, being used to describe cosmetics with 'pseudo-pharmaceutical' benefits - a word which has, of course, been invented by the cosmetics companies themselves.

The galling thing about the No7 debacle is not that it isn't a good product. It might well be - and yes, the forearm cells of those 9 volunteers did show elevated levels of two proteins within the skin that ensure its elasticity - but we're talking about 9 people, 9 forearms - and this is all it takes to spark a 6million-&-counting shopping frenzy?

Perhaps it's got something to do with the number 7? The latest craze? The Athena 7 Minute Face Lift (currently being snatched from Harvey Nick's shelves faster than I can type the word 'HYPE') - which contains nothing more than a blend of organic essential oils (although, there are 12 of these, not 7 - that would've been freaky).

I have a pot here and will happily send it to the first person who emails in and is interested in testing it. Why haven't I bothered myself? Because I don't need my reflection to tell me that a pot of cream cannot make me look 18 again. It might be wonderful, it might be the holy grail of face masks, it might take my mug from corned beef to fillet steak, but it will most certainly not make me look as though I have had a facelift. My omniscient beauty ed's ego might be a bit inflated, I'll admit that - but I guarantee it won't be anywhere near as inflated as these readily proliferated product claims. So there.

#60 Helping Husband

I attended a wedding last month, where my friend's husband - extremely cute in a Mark Owen/Richard Hammond/James McAvoy sort of way - looked utterly dreadful. Bless him. Red eyes, dark circles, patchy skin and a little breakout on the chin. The couple spent several hours on the night regaling guests with stories of just how insomniac, anxious, busy and run down they'd become in the run up... she on the other hand looked flawless, because, as is a bride's right, she'd chosen to have a professional hair and make-up artist transform her from under-fed and hollow-eyed, to glistening cheekboned and ruby-lipped. She might have missed a few winks, but there were no missed opportunities amidst the menfolk, who flocked to her like moths to Greta Garbo's ember-tipped cigarette - she'd never looked better. A few weeks later, I quizzed her on the routine and it came as no surprise that on the morning of the wedding she'd used a cleanser, exfoliator, two masks, eye patches, a calming oil and massage technique (borrowed from her facialist) and then had several primers, highlighters and bases expertly blended and applied by her premier artist. As for her hubby - who's since bounced back to his charming ways - he rolled out of bed after a mere 25 minutes sleep, washed, shaved and patted on moisturiser - hoping for the best, but feeling somewhat hollow and harrowed by the puffy-eyed man looking back at him in the mirror.

This is where I become exasperated. Had he known just three or four simple tricks (his wife was in no position to help, sleeping as they did in separate parts of the country the night before) - he could have fixed his face with minimal fuss and spent the night with chest puffed out, rather than deflated in self-conscious apology.

Having chatted to several of my best-looking and well kempt colleagues, I feel the need to share the following...

1) If you have had no sleep the night before and need to look your best, be gentle with your skin. Overzealous cleansing, exfoliating and shaving will leave your complexion looking as you feel: irritable.

2) A few basics: if your skin is calm, but just looks dull and tired, invest in an enlivening, radiance-enhancing product, such as Nickel Morning After Rescue Gel, £24 (www.nickelspalondon.co.uk) - do not use immediately after shaving.

3) If your skin looks dry and patchy, after cleansing try a mask that will even out skintone such as Dermalogica Multi-Vitamin Power Recovery Mask, £21.35 (hqhair.com).

4) If you have dark circles around your eyes, couple an eye gel or cream with light-reflective properties (my brother loves Lab Series Age Rescue Eye Therapy, £25 (hqhair.com) ) with a concealer. Many will know that I'm not a big fan of YSL's Touche Eclat - and on men in particular, it's very easily spotted (especially when looking back at photographs!). I therefore recommend Laura Mercier Secret Concealer, £18, because it comes in three SKIN-like colours and blends in seamlessly. For best results, apply eye cream and while skin is still the tiniest bit spongey with moisture, tap the concealer all along the orbital bone (the hollowest part of the undereye) with a little finger. When blended, stop.

5) There is no treatment on earth that will get rid of spots instantly. If you are well-off and well-connected, you can book in for an emergency spot shot from a reputable dermatologist(otherwise known as a cortisone injection), but for mere mortals, DIY methods must suffice. I don't rate toothpaste at all - I've seen girls with red rashes after regular zit attacks with the stuff.

If you have no time to spare, my best advice is to take a teeny bit of aspirin, grind it up and add a bit of water to make a paste and dab it directly onto the spot. Leave for a a couple of minutes then rinse away with ice cold water. This will take down some swelling and redness. Another great option is to pop eye whitening drops, which constrict blood vessels thereby reducing blood flow (and redness), directly onto the spot. My current favourite blemish cover-up is Avene Couvrance Concealer Brush, £11 (boots.com). It is a pen-style applicator and comes in a beige and a green shade. If you can afford both, I'd recommend using the green concealer on red areas first, before blending, and then brushing the beige colour over that. Faffy it may be, but the formula blends down to utter invisibility and has never once felt heavy on my cake-prone skin.

Poor guys. I may not be receptive to the ongoing male battle to keep tools in trousers, but I'm certainly more than sympathetic should they choose to whip the odd trick out of their sleeves.

#59 The Good Stuff

So, last time I took a poke at the CRAP TRAP pile. Now, for the GOOD STUFF:

1. First up, apologies are due. I didn't give Stella McCartney's CARE line much of a chance - well, actually I did, I just didn't use it properly. You see, I've never believed the regime nonsense i.e. that using all products from a single line is more beneficial than mixing and matching - but I often overlook the fact that within certain lines, the products are designed to be used together (especially if high in active ingredients). Such is the case with CARE. I added the elixirs and 5 Benefits Cream to my Spiezia/Dermalogica/Liz Earle-rich routine, and well, I was less than blown away. Well, last week, I went back to basics (again) - and started using the CARE cleanser, toner, elixir and moisturiser - morning and night. Well, would you believe it, I've not heard a peep out of my skin in 14 days. It's clear, hydrated, soft, unshiny, comfortable and even has a mid-summer glow to it. I'm converted and, tail between legs, apologetic. From my utterly subjective standpoint, I think I've found my new skin resolution.

2. Jurlique Intense Recovery Mask. Beauty eds are always questing after something - the perfect red lippy, the undereye concealer, the invisible base - but for me, the journey's been rather more specific. I've been searching for a mask that will simultaneously hydrate, purify, calm, clarify and revitalise. I've tried masks that meet all but one essential criterion (Dermalogica Multi-Vitamin Power Recovery Mask e.g. does a lot, but offers no purification/clarification benefits) - but never have I found a tube that multi-masks effectively. Then the lovely Purple PR ladies sent me this baby. Wowzer. It's chocka with everything from Carrot Root and Green Tea extract to Rose Hip and Evening Primrose Oil - but crucially, it's also rich in Green Clay - so while it's hydrating, it's also vaccuuming out pores and tackling imperfections. I had it on for ten minutes yesterday and massaged it off with a warm muslin cloth - skin was rosy, even and plump. Very impressed with this one.

3. Colgate Total Professional Weekly Clean. It looks like a toothpaste, it tastes like a toothpaste, it smells like a toothpaste. But for some reason (and the flashy lettering on the packet gives us a clue - 'with an ingredient that professional dentists use!!!'), a five minute scrub with this concoction leaves my mouth feeling like I've just had a clean and polish, minus the freaky rubber gloves and panic-inducing surroundings. There are no drastic changes in the appearance of the teeth - they just look very clean - but the sensation it produces is really rather good.

So, on this very last day of 2007, that is it from me.
What's coming in 2008 - hey, I'm a beauty editor, what do you think's coming....?
A........ makeover........... of course!

#57 Beauty Duty

It's late. It's been too long. I've missed this. I'm sorry for the silence.
Here, with no waffle - unheard of for me - is my current hit & miss list:

UPPERS

Uriage Stick Levres. Discovered at a French pharmacy - smells like a mix between Chapstick original and Chapstick Cherry, but with a far more moisturising, long-lasting, pleasing texture. Smiles.

Botanics Organics Jojoba Body Oil & Laidbare Body Oil. I've been putting on three coats a day - which you can, as they're both pleasingly inexpensive - the former has no scent (no essential oils) - just simple, fuss-free, skin-softening power; the latter is yummily-scented with essential oils, but also contains five EFA rich oils including Rosehip and Evening Primrose. This is the softest my skin's been in any winter in living memory.


DOWNERS

Not loving the Liz Earle Brightening Mask. It might give an instant perk-up, but I always seem to look oilier the next day. Hmmmm.


Dermalogica Soothing Eye Make-Up Remover.
Is it just me, or does this make anyone else's eyes sore? The viscousy gel always gets into my eyes - I prefer liquids - and I'm yet to be left with refreshed, soothed peepers.

And while we're on the subject of Dermalogica, I've also recently had a bad reaction to their Climate Control Lip Therapy. Lips felt more sore and became slightly swollen after repeated use. Uh Oh. This is the second bad reaction I've had to their products - the Body Cream brings me out in the most appalling, bumpy, red, raised angry rash - can't touch the stuff. It smells rather vile too. Despite this, several of their skincare products are eternal favourites (I heart Total Eye Care & Daily Microfoliant) - which has taught me never to expect great results from every product in a promising line.

You win some, you lose some.
You might get a bit messed up along the way (blotchy, rather than pillowy lips did not invite Mr M's late-night attentions), but hey, it's all the line of duty.

#56 Eye Fidelity

Sometimes an email pinpoints the collective mood. For some reason, this month, it's been all about the eyes and I've had a slew of emails from Truth in Beauty readers, all of whom are seeking a solution to their shadowy lids and burgeoning bags. Most of whom, swapping and shifting from cream to gel, have been continually disheartened by the many ineffectual eye products on the market.

The truth? Open your eyes. Don't expect miracles. Dark circles will not disappear overnight - if ever! My response? Cast your eyes below...

"I don't believe that dark circles can be cured with an eye cream. For most people, dark circles are either a sign of lack of sleep, poor microcirculation or they are hereditary. If it's lack of sleep - there's only one way to cure it; if it's poor microcirculation, then it's the application of the product that is most beneficial - try a daily massage of the eye area, tapping along the brow bone from the inner to the outer corners of the eye with your ring fingers; and if it's hereditary, then you have two options - a great concealer or a cosmetic procedure, possibly one that involved fillers, which would temporarily plump up any undereye hollows and thereby reduce the appearance of dark circles. Some studies have also been done that link dark undereye cirlces to iron or vitamin K deficiencies.

To reduce puffiness, the key thing is the temperature of the product. Any eye cream or lotion - such as Liz Earle Eye Bright (a make-up remover and soothing liquid) - will work far more effectively if it's kept chilled. Alternatively, two cotton pads dipped in icy cold water and then placed over eyes, or two fridge-cold cucumber slices/used camomile teabags, will take down puffiness more effectively than a specific depuffing eye cream.

I've tried quite a few eye creams in my time but always come back to Dermalogica Total Eye Care. It's got an SPF of 15, so it's great for daily wear, but the zinc oxide in it also reflects light to some degree, so subtly lightens the undereye area, whilst smoothing, hydrating and protecting it.

As for concealers, I personally like an all-in-one concealing & light-reflecting wand such as Dior's Skinflash, but I am aware that light-reflecting formulas don't provide very heavy-duty coverage. I've got a cousin who has more pronounced dark circles under her eyes and she swears by Kanebo's creamy concealer. It comes in a rectangular cream-coloured palette, with a mirror in the lid, and goes on very smoothly - blending easily too. It also provides excellent coverage. The other two undereye concealers I would recommend are Laura Mercier's Secret Concealer - once again, creamy, blendable and high coverage - and Armani's High Precision Retouch - more of a liquid, but with excellent coverage."

#54 Ace Base

Now that the mercury has plummeted from fine to freezing, my skin has already started to misbehave. I haven't yet had the dry cheeks, though my lips have been chapping more than usual, but I've noticed that my complexion tends towards blotchiness far more easily. I use base only when utterly necessary, but this week, it's been necessary twice. My staple favourite (which I stash in my wardrobe and only whip out on special occassions) is SK-II's Air Touch Foundation. I've raved about it before - yes it can take some getting used to and it's mightily expensive - but once you get the hang of how to mist evenly and lightly, you'll feel as though you have a mini make-up artist stashed away in your bag - skin looks unquestionably airbrushed and unreal. But it is inarguably a foundation - and despite the fact that it feels and looks untraceable, I cannot always overcome the mental awareness that my skin is coated in a thick layer of cosmetic colouring. Which is why I'm more of a tinted moisturiser sort of girl (even though, t.m's are of course just the same - lotions packed with cosmetic colouring). Logic, however, doesn't prevail here - I always have and always will feel more comfortable and confident in a tinted moisturiser, over a foundation. That's just me.

Clinque do tinted moisturisers well and their new Supermoisture Makeup has a pretty flawless formula. It blends like a face cream - sinking in, leaving skin plump and soft. The coverage can be anything from super-sheer to medium, depending on how much you use - I like to rub it over my nose and chin, when skin is still almost damp from my face cream and blend it all in together. Great for drier skins in winter too. I also love (and the Bliss girls are going to go crazy at this, because it's on constant back order and almost always sold out) Remede's Translucent UV Coat. It's about as watery and light as it's possible for a formula to be, but it leaves a sheeny soft-focus behind. While it won't cover your spots, it'll certainly lift grey and lacklustre complexions - and with an SPF30 built in, feel as though you're wearing nothing more than the lightest lotion. Which is why you can't get hold of it for love nor money. Groan.

Chapping lips call for a thicker formula in winter. The Sainsbury's Organic Softening Lip Balm (95% organic) was lovely in summer - peppermint scent, sheeny, light - but hasn't cut the mustard this October as it slides off rather than stays put - not the guard against the elements I was hoping for. I've therefore shifted back to a staple - Crabtree & Evelyn Jojoba Oil Conditioning Lip Balm (which I hasten to add is only £1.50) and the new Origins Organics Soothing Lip Balm (not launching till Jan 2008 - but I'll be pre- and re-viewing the new Origins Organics line and a couple of new Jurlique launches in my next blog), which have a pleasing cocoa butter base that feels nice and creamy on lips and stays put for at least an hour.

Winterproofing? So far, so good. If only I could apply the same logic to my cotton dress, mini-skirt and suede-shoe filled wardrobe...

#51 Because you're worth it

I’ve always felt bad for the models whose images adorn posters in tube stations – within days, they’re decorated with a variety of gum, graffiti and savoury slang. I don’t tend to notice the remarks – although, the ‘She was my first’ line I spotted a few weeks ago did get me giggling – but the Perfectil posters in Angel tube station were different. Across the faces of the airbrushed model were a series of stickers, reading, ‘For women who hate themselves.’ My first reaction was to snort, I’ll admit – somewhat derisively, at the extremist notion. On my way home, I spotted them again. During the short ride home, I couldn't help dwelling on it. The airbrushed model, the peachy lighting, the name of the product – ‘perfect’. Someone was sort of right – the idea and image grated and of course, there isn’t a pill out there that will promote flawlessness – but perhaps those that swallow it do so in the hope that they’ll edge that little bit closer to the unattainable. And that’s rather a sad thing. But it’s the same idea that feeds the entire vitamin and mineral supplement phenomenon – the belief that you are lacking something, and when you address it, you’ll be complete, healthy, at your best. When in truth, the tubs of tablets – be they for hair, skin, nails – that I have purchased in the midst of many a self-perfecting crusade, reveal far more about my mental state than they do about my physical one. During weeks when I’ve been feeling down, low, fat, unattractive, I’ve been known to spend a lunch hour amidst the aisles at Holland & Barrett, rooting out wild algae, aloe vera, co-enzyme Q10, coconut oil… trundling home with a bag of rattling goods that celebrate their use-by dates at the back of a dusty cupboard. Had I taken them (or had time to swallow the myriad pills), they might have made a difference. I started, but didn’t finish. Something happened – normally my mood shifting back to a more positive plane and deciding I’m fine, just as I am, without the help of agnus castus or acai berries. I could be healthier. I could be slimmer. I could be a veritable wonder woman of pink tongue, glowing organ and glossy mane – but I am normal. I am healthy. I am happy. It sunk in, eventually – there’s no miracle cure, there’s no holy grail. Don’t waste your time or hard-earned money on mysterious multivitamins. So I don’t. Have not – not for years. Perfectil may be the greatest supplement ever, it might make your nails stronger, hair thicker, skin clearer – but there is one thing of which I am utterly certain, it will not ‘perfect’ you. As a matter of fact – NOTHING will perfect you. You’ll always be flawed. Now, isn’t that liberating?

#50 Hand Maiden

This is just a fleeting note, a midnight fancy - but it has occurred to me, that I spend more time inhaling the scent of my hand soap than I do sniffing the latest perfumes. I'm obsessively particular about my hands and pretty much anything that I touch results in a trip to the ladies for a scrub down, but lest I sound like Lady Macbeth, I'd like to say that this is because, as most of us know, our work spaces have been scientifically likened to (and in many cases are far filthier) than the crappiest of crappers. So, in an effort to purge the panic, I wash - over and over again. Waitrose make a very cheap, but yummy-smelling range of liquid handsoaps - perfect to be kept in the kitchen, by the sink; Molton Brown & Space NK do the best-looking stuff, to be kept in guest bathrooms and only ever used on special occasions (price being prohibitive and scent too strong for everyday use); Burt's Bees do a large, inexpensive pump that lasts a long time thanks to the natural foaming agents and Crabtree & Evelyn Naturals, have produced delicious Olive, Almond & Myrtle and my favourite, Pink Grapefruit & Cucumber, with which my hands are presently scented. Essentially, the C&E soaps never dry out the skin, they're sulfate-free and made with 25% nourishing coconut and olive oils. So, if your hygienic compulsions refuse to be checked, at least your mitts won't suffer. This one wins, well, hands down.

#47 Who Cares?

The much-written about, hugely-hyped Stella McCartney Skincare Range, CARE, landed on the desk this week and it's already joined the regular rotation. I want to love it, because if 100% organic products (the range uses 100% organic active ingredients) can produce efficacy to rival the lab-lotions of the world, it'll make my green leanings so much easier. I'm not going to jump the gun here - I'm keeping schtum until I've given the products a few weeks to impress or disappoint. First impressions, however, are good. It's been two days and the ticked boxes include wonderful scent, great texture, no residue. I'm adding the 5 Benefits Moisturising Fluid and Calming & Soothing Elixir to my post-Spiezia cleansed skin, which now makes my skincare routine 100% chemical-free... until I cake myself in slap that is...

#46 Return to Splendour

I've had a tropical couple of weeks in a country hotter than a body cavity and having flown out with a case, tagged with the dreaded 'Heavy' stickers, I returned a lot lighter (in luggage), calmer in mind and darker in skin. My stash did not let me down. Here's the verdict:

1. Liz Earle skincare - did the trick. In my opinion the Spiezia Organic Cleanser that I left behind still does the job better, but the Liz Earle combo certainly didn't let my sun/sea/pool-dried face down. Skin was soft, hydrated and clear all holiday.

2. The MOP stuff was hot too. The Conditioning Mist was particularly good - giving hair a simple dose of discipline - keeping it from puffing or frizzing in the heat. For days in the pool, the Styling Conditioner was a convenient choice. Combed through wet locks, it kept them in place, nourished and feeling softer when rinsed out later than night.

3. Aveda Damage Remedy. I used it every night - which is a bit OTT - but my hair never felt limp or greasy. Despite pool and sea marathons, the mane still feels silky and looked shiny every day.

4. Murad Oil-Free Sunblock Tinted SPF15. The hint of colour evened out imperfections whilst protecting me from the late afternoon sunlight. It felt nice and light, although as the mercury rose, it didn't stop me looking sweaty of shiny.

5. Derma Mum Stretch Mark Oil. This is even nicer than the cream. Every evening my limbs were soothed and left glistening with this nourishing blend of oils. I used it everywhere. It's fragrance-free too, so didn't compete with my choice of scent.

6. Sisley Phyto Touche Golden Oil. Used for one night only, on bronzed legs, whilst wearing a mini dress. Desired effect achieved. Wink wink.

7. Liz Earle Suncare. Hmmmm. Effective yes, attractive - h-Oh no. The face protector SPF 25, left a thick, bright, white layer on the skin - of course this is to be expected as it's a PHYSICAL suncreen - but even so, it wasn't sexy. I ended up using the body one a lot more (SPF 15) as it blended down to a less pallid finish and on my face I traded and pledged new allegience to Yon-Ka Ulta Protection Factor 40, which lasted very well, was waterproof and moisturised beautifully.

8. YSL Blush Variation in 16. Well, it ended up being just too pink. Once tanned, my skin longed for a hot red-pink or a golden apricot shade.

And, lest I provoke more wrath from the weather with my jealousy-inducing summer 'capades, I shall leave it there.