#17 To those who wait...

The gradual tanning market has gone a leedle bit crazy. I was already aware of the popularity of the products – I’m being sent at least three new ones every week – but it wasn’t until I wandered around my local Boots in search of Hayfever tablets that I realised the extent to which the market has shifted. There were shelves and shelves of the stuff. They even had their own section. No longer lumped in with the body creams or lowly, bog-standard self-tanners, gradual tanners are being sold in pride of place, popping up on every end-of-row display with explanatory signs informing us that it’s time we gave our bodies a daily dose of sunshine. On top of the in-store information overload, I’m also getting regular emails from ‘The Marketeers’ – those people who send out statistics in the form of lengthy PDFs – telling me that the ‘ladies’ are going crazy for a daily dose of hydrating colour that won’t stain, won’t rub off and won’t stink their partners out of bed. I, like most women it seems, like the idea. You can’t really go wrong can you? You rub it on. It doesn’t do anything too drastic. It doesn’t smell too bad. You just get on with your day and voila, after a couple of weeks, you’ve got a convincing glow that looks impressively real. Or does it? Well, just to be superbly irritating – it depends. Texture? Garnier Summerbody was too light in texture for my skin. I needed to use a separate moisturiser beforehand, or my legs reverted to their scaly ways. Scent? Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Natural Bronze Body Lotion smells even sweeter (and more artificial) than the original – as though they’ve packed it with extra teeth-jarring sugariness in an effort to mask the customary self-tan stink. Not for me. Many people love Johnson’s Holiday Skin – the gradual tanner that got the ball rolling. I picked the wrong time to try it as it made a small patch of eczema flare up into a persistent rash. I’m currently trialling Shiseido Daily Bronze Moisturising Emulsion. It says it can be used on both the face and body. I’ve only tried it on my legs, but it’s done a darn good job. It doesn’t smell bad either – in fact, I can’t remember it smelling of anything – always a bonus with tanners. I still chase the colour with a shot of cream on drier days, but that’s OK. Two days in and my pins have lost their customary pallor - far speedier than the colour served up by the competition, but without any tell-tale marks or missed bits. Good stuff. No waiting. Who'd have thought it?

#5 The Top Tan...

My problem with self-tanning is not the colour produced, but the actual sensation of the product on the face. Most sit atop the skin, feeling oily and unnatural - or they are so heavily scented that it's impossible to forget you're wearing them even for a second. Two new launches are good, but still come with problems. Biotherm Self-Tanning Face Gel for fair skin, doesn't feel too bad. The packet says 'ultra-natural looking radiant tan freshness' - word vomit alert - and feels nice and cool on contact, but once dry, it feels sticky. In fact, I can always tell when Mr Malcontent has been at it, because it feels as though his face has been tacky backed. It also has an overwhelming smell - chemical-citrus. The colour it produces is good though. Then there's Lancome's Flash Bronzer Custom Colour Tinted Self-Tanning Lotion. Good because the colour it initially deposits onto the skin is the same colour that develops beneath it. But despite using a fair amount - swiped across the nose, tops of cheeks, below hairline - it gave me nothing more than a faint whisper of a tan. And after cleansing and exfoliating the next day I was back to shade one. It would, however, certainly be a good investment for lily skins afraid of tango tints. It smells rather nice too - delicate, powdery, soft. Neither is the holy veil I was searching for, which is why make-up is the only alternative. Which is no bad thing considering the wealth of brilliant bronzers out there.

I've never been a Guerlain Terracotta fan - sacrilege I know! I was always too scared of the deep, earthy bronze of their powders and feared I'd look like an unfortunate extra from One Million Years B.C. But since the launch of the Light Sheer Bronzing Powders, I've never looked back. The Harmonie Blondes 01 formula, combines gold and pink powders, without any unflattering glitter or obvious shimmer - just fine, sophisticated, light-as-air colour.

Another great option - especially for olive or tanned skins - is Origins Sunny Disposition. It isn't new, but I trialled it for the first time at the weekend and was seriously impressed. A tiny amount of the deep brown fluid blended over brow and cheek bones and the bridge of the nose creates the sort of healthy burnish that you'd normally get from a festival weekend. Like it.