# 123 The Hairspray Riddle

Having watched Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland last week I've been unable to get the 'why is a raven like a writing desk?' ditty out of my noggin. Now, riddles in all of their tricky glory (whether decipherable or nonsensical), always get me excited (it's the junior chess-and-crossword-loving type in me). But how a hairspray can also function as an instant-frizz-inducing-bomb is not a question I'm so keen on answering (or at least experiencing in the run-up to a very very important meeting).

The product in question is Sebastian Professional Shaper Zero Gravity - and I used it on the morning of a screen-test for an ITV show. Hair was sleek & glossy - but with rainclouds looming I figured I needed an insurance policy. A rummage in my bag resulted in this long, black tube and a generous spritz later I figured I'd be set for life (or at least late into the morning). The product promises ultra-light flexible hold, or 'layer throughout the styling process to increase, even freeze, hold.' Now, this could be a case of the anti-smarts, and of course there's a chance I did the application bit all wrong - but I did the big spritz, followed by a quick brush through to smooth down, then another sealing spritz - and left the house with head held high.

A humid tube, a dash for the office, a sweaty lift-ride and a nervy introduction later & my hair had gone from modern-blunt to pouffy-puffery - but not big, Cheryl-esque waves, oh no, we're talking an unceremonious swelling (ever seen that episode of Friends set in Barbados, where Monica's hair gets all the biggest laughs? Yep, that was me).

A peek in the lobby mirror on my way out confirmed my worst fears - my hair looked utterly hideous - I've not seen frizz like that in years - not even during a boat ride in sweltering Southern Turkey. So, the riddle remains unsolved (why is this spray like a secret saboteur?), but the results are resounding: NEVER AGAIN.

Or, given that most Sebastian products really do deliver on their promises, not until further investigation/instruction from someone in-the-know at the very least. Any bright ideas?

# 122 And Then She Woke Up

My last post was entitled 'Good Night' - which has come to seem like the spookiest kind of premonition, given that I've spent the last week responding to emails from various PRs, journos and beauty companies alike, who have, somehow, all managed to figure out my identity - and simultaneously. I knew it would happen one day, though not in such a way - but with more & more people catching onto 'the real me' in the past 6 months, I began to feel as though I was slating and rating on very thin ice.

Clearly there's been a leak - and I'm still entirely unsure who sprung it - but not wanting to cower beneath the covers (or hide behind my blindfold) for longer than was truly necessary I've decided to wave the flag myself & so here I am, packing away the incognito crown & facing the world afresh, as me, for better or worse (gosh, this does feel odd).

So, here's how I figured it might work... Miss Malcontent will continue to do what she does best - and there's no need for further fanfare on this front. MM will carry on trying, testing, reviewing and ranting on a regular basis (yes, lord help her), and she'll also do her best to keep responding to each & every personal query & question... this is still the place to be if you want to know what does & does not work. A simple formula & one I'm so happy has worked thus far.

But for all things non-review related, well, it no longer makes sense for me to be 'undercover'. I have rather a lot more to share & show than has been possible within the confines of the MM format, and so I herein direct my fine followers to my other venture: WE MAKE UP AS WE GO ALONG

This is where you'll find the day-to-day details of the life of a freelance beauty editor, the rave on palpitation-producing products, insights from backstage, interviews with truly interesting types, muchos inspiration for those seeking new style directions & regular peeks into the make-up bags of real women (because I'm really rather nosey)... in other words, a veritable cornucopia of cosmetic & counter intelligence, aimed at those who like a short, sharp and snappy style byte on a regular basis. It would be utterly wonderful if you'd consider popping along & lending the new blog your support... it's a newborn so pathetically in need of a bit of attention.

Find it here: www.wemakeupaswegoalong.blogspot.com

Both blogs will operate side-by-side, supporting one another - and I'll keep both afloat for as long as my little fingers are able (with a little one due in July there may be a quiet time or two ahead, but please, do bear with me)...

And in the meantime, I'd just like to say good day, good morning, good afternoon to those of you all over the world who have stuck with me, lending much-appreciated, vociferous support to the 'truth in beauty' cause...

...it's nice to finally meet you...

# 121 Good Night

Have been wanting to award a special mention to 2 products that have made it into my bathroom cabinet this month -

Weleda Skin Food and Philosophy Hope Springs Eternal Deep Sea Revitalizing Face Mask

The first: I got stuck overnight at a friend's house (a private 'mare of mine, as I always fear being caught out without my cleanser & having to make do with soap & water), and was almost ready to call a cab at 3am when I realised I had a tube of Weleda Skin Food stashed in my bag (which the PR had very kindly sent a couple of days earlier for a GREEN BEAUTY story I'm researching). So, I borrowed my matie's cleanser (Yes to Carrots - nice, creamy, hydrating. I washed rather than wiped it off as I also have a mortal fear of make-up removal avec cotton wool. I'm weird. I know). I then squeezed a wee splat of Skin Food onto my hands, warmed it up between my fingertips & massaged it all over my face - including lips & under-eyes. The next morning my skin was insanely soft and had a lovely glow to it. Now, I've been playing this gig long enough to know that beauty one-night-stands are by no means indicative of long-term success. BUT, while I'll no doubt find myself sans kit at the end of many a long day & night, I shall be travelling with Skin Food everyday forthwith. Oh, and the stubborn eczema patch I often get on my wrist (which is actually caused by the lovely tweedy wool at the cuffs of my APC coat), was sent into oblivion by Skin Food too. Have to say, I really love it to bits. And, the mild skin condition's a small price to pay for the perfect coat, right?

Then there's the new mask from Philosophy. Confession numero uno (beauty PRs look away now) - I've never personally used a Philosophy skincare product. I suppose I've allowed my fear of their strongly-fragranced body lines (Cookie Dough, Gingerbread Man etc etc) to colour my view of the brand's cosmetics - which is silly, because I know Philosophy is founded by Cristina Carlino, a lady whose first venture into beauty was a bio-medical line distributed to leading dermatologists and plastic surgeons. So, clearly, this is serious stuff & deserved a second look.

Well, this new mask arrived just in time. I liked the spiel - the seaweed spirulina inside it (I've had good results from seaweed-rich line Thalgo in the past), and the fact that it promises to revitalise, refresh and renew, but without being a peel, a scrub or a deep-cleansing or heat-activated formula. In short - this is the soft touch for softer skin. The first time I used it I was rudely interrupted by the ASOS delivery man so I had to wipe it off after just 3 minutes & dash to the front door; but upon further investigation I could see that it had already made a difference. We're not talking a new face here, but rather a slightly brighter (but not flushed), and softer surface. Tonight I thought I'd give it another whirl (it's 3 days after the 1st attempt - the pack says it's safe to use whenever you feel like it). I left it on while I showered this time - so around 10 mins - which is longer than the directed 5 mins in the instructions. When I rinsed it away I noticed that skin definitely looked brighter, healthier and make-up went on nicely afterwards. It's one of those easy fall-back products that I know I'll reach for of a rushed morn and be most thankful for. It's not, however, capable of enormous improvements - but as I've so often found, the biggest improvements tend to take time (and in my experience it's better to use even the most gentle microdermabrasion products & peels the night before rather than morning of). So, yes, it's another notch on my beauty post & one that I'm extremely happy to have stumbled upon at the very end of another very long night...

# 120 Sugar Puffs

There are some days when nothing can be done.

Honestly, I've had enough of them to know this to be true. You just wake up, a bit puffy of jaw, shadowy of eye, blotchy of skin, blemished of chin - and yes, you know you'll look better post-slap - but that, however hard you try, you still won't look great. It's what I call a 'Can't Fake It' day, when make-up is a band aid rather than blaze of glory... when skin's just not playing ball and you'd rather retreat to loafing-land than go out and meet all those people who expect you to look, well, like you know what you're talking about.

Ordinarily I hit the panic button and the old faithfuls come out of the cupboard: Origins Modern Friction; Dermalogica Multi-Vitamin Power Recovery Mask OR Guinot Masque Essential Nutrition Confort; Sisley Eye Contour Mask; Lancome Hydra Zen Tinted Moisturiser (a newish find - very nice); a dusting of BareMinerals powder; Dior Skinflash; Stila Eyeshadow in Kitten and Guerlain Terractotta Bronzer... you know the routine.

But last week I had a bad day. So bad in fact that when I looked at myself in the mirror that morning I actually gasped. Out loud. I'd seemingly gained 6 pounds in my sleep and forgotten to take off my mascara the night before (I hadn't been wearing any) - everything was just off - out of focus, as though my features had decided to go into hibernation and been replaced with fading scribbles - like those chalked silhouettes of removed corpses you always see on CSI. Mortification! Then I remembered the salt-and-sugar fest I'd enjoyed the very late night before (look, I'm pregnant okay), and so, because it was a Saturday, I decided to go back to bed in a bid to wake up thinner, brighter and less likely to jump off the balcony. Surely, I just needed more sleep?

And whadya know? It actually worked. Which just goes to show that sometimes the best thing is to sleep on it.

And if that fails, well, time to bring on the cosmetic cavalry.

# 119 What the Hakaan?

When my backstage invite & show ticket were issued to HAKAAN the week before the big event, my expectations had been piqued by the knowledge that i-D's Edward Enninful was styling, hair god Luigi Murenu was on 'do' duty and Lucia Pieroni would be making faces... that's an extraordinarily high-profile team for a Turkish designer who until the event itself had never been heard of in London. And then I arrived and saw Natalia V stride past, followed by Anja Rubik, Lara Stone and MariaCarla Boscono. Even those who were part of the backstage team seemed surprised by the sheer supermodel weight (purely figurative of course) being hurled around the room. And that was before Kate Moss and Carine Roitfeld showed up. Cripes!

So, squinting through the whorls of ciggie smoke backstage (TUT TUT) I jotted down the tips & tricks being employed by the hair & make-up crew, snapping away on my i-phone, which I lost by accidentally dropping said phone into a bowl of steaming ho-fun noodle soup. DAMMIT. But while I no longer have my photographic evidence, I do still have my notes - so here's the scoop:

1) Hair, courtesy of the John Frieda team, was "boy on top and girl in back" (nice). While Luigi wandered around, getting models into seats and fine-tuning each and every strand, his team fed Unique Wiiv 100% Human Hair pieces through the under sections - the adhesive strips pressed up as close as possible to the scalp and heated up with a hairdryer which set them in place. These back bits were then blow-dried, along with intermittent spritzes of Elnett Hairspray to keep flyaways in check, and when dry and smooth, tonged with a slim-barrel iron. These very loose waves were then brushed out to give an imperfect frizz-fine finish.

2) The top sections were centre-parted, sozzled in John Frieda Luxurious Volume Mousse, until completely 'wet' and dried with a Mason Pearson brush for a sleek, shiny finish. Models with thicker hair were treated with John Frieda Frizz Ease too, which was rubbed over the crown as a finishing, patina-amping touch. This top section was then pinned in place and flattened with a temporary layer of gauze while models toddled off to make-up.

3) In make-up, the girls had their brows bleached (feel for the darker-haired models who had to sit through 2 rounds of Jolen) - but Anja R escaped sans-peroxide, Lucia brushing Estee Lauder Maximum Cover Camouflage Make-Up through her brows instead. On eyes she was using the quad - (I'm pretty sure it was the Eye Shadow x 4 Colour 3 Quad) - and worked the brown/purple (Jungle Moon) into the eyelid crease. She then worked highlighter over tops of cheekbones, brows, forehead and the orbital bone, and used a minky brown bronzer to contour cheeks and subtly colour foreheads. Finally, a layer of balm over lips, buffing them to smoothness and a lash-curl and girls strutted off for their walk-through.

4) Skincare spied on the bench: La Roche Posay Hydraphase XL - which artists massaged into clean skin before using foundation; Embryolisse (ever-present at the shows it seems, even if it's not for me!); Bioderma Eye Make-Up Remover (gentle, yes, but not great on waterproof mascara); and a selection of Giorgio Armani Foundations, including Face Fabric.

Oh, and the clothes?

Pretty Fakaan great.

# 118 Back to Backstage

As the UK's glossy-mag-world prepares for the advent of London Fashion Week, the same-old-but-never-old process has got me thinking, and reminiscing, and feeling a little wary before things have even started. Last year I attended around 20 shows and was backstage at just a handful, having decided to post myself out front in a bid to peek at the looks favoured by the 'real' women as opposed to the implausibly lovely little girls being made-up backstage. I had fun, until about 2 days in, when I realised that the mood was almost permanently rooted in quiet desperation, and I became acutely aware of the legions of fawning fashionistas attempting to get a glimpse of the LFW passes hanging around their neighbours' necks in order to discover if they were really worth smiling at. I've conversed, somewhat briefly, with Liberty London Girl over email, about the scary two-faced world that fashion can sometimes be, but as a beauty journo, well, I feel I've never been burned. My world is a gorgeous globe of wonderful PRs who bend over backwards to aid us (and let's not forget, the PRs work extremely long hours & are at the beck and call of both clients & journos alike - so, R.E.S.P.E.C.T) and in my 7 (or is it 8 now?) years of playing this game, I've come across so many wonderful people & am still heartily enjoying every moment of it. I can walk into a launch without a friend in the room or assistant by my side, all alone, and have a laugh, a giggle, a good time, without having to pretend that I'm dealing with essential business on my i-phone. It's not always so easy - sometimes the room's divided into the Natmags & IPC girls (they always seem to travel in packs!), but most of the time, there's a space of friendly faces & a relaxed atmosphere. Which is why I'm still doing what I'm doing.

I've written for small mags, online mags, big mags, new mags, rags, dailies, internationals... and at no point in my ever-evolving freelance role did I ever feel as though a door had been slammed in my face. So, long overdue as it may be, I'd just like to say an enormous thank you to all the fantastic PRs with whom I have regular contact in my 'non-anony' guise, and send out a big virtual hug. Squeeze.

Right, so, the real point of this post is to muse about the fact that, last year, while squeezed up beside the fashion peeps I began to hanker after my beauty enclave once more & so, for Autumn/Winter 2010, I am again venturing backstage. I've really missed it - the NEW NEW NEWness of everything, as my eyes pop with cosmetic-candy alerts; the general crazy energy of the artists; the mix-tapes picked by each & every designer, to get their models in perfect pre-walk mood; the smell of unfamiliar products & intense whiff of favourite ones; the skill and genius of so many of the unnamed crews of cosmetic whizz-kids - all of them rocking their own look, making a statement, loving every second of it. But it's not the trends that get me palpitating - it's the people, the pros, wielding skill like a silver Samurai sword.

And on Friday I'll be privy to the handiwork of one of my all-time favourite hair heroes, Luigi Murenu. I. AM. SO. EXCITED.

And of course, poised to post, post-show, to share all that my green eyes take in, celebrate & savour.

# 117 Hair Raising

I’m funny about my hair. I’m not one of those people who ever developed the knack of layering products and pouffing and fluffing until they end up with perfectly tousled tresses that are simultaneously sexy and chic. In fact, whenever I’ve attempted to do laissez-faire hair, I’ve felt oddly self-conscious about it – and just before heading out the door have opted for a chignon, bun, or slick side-parting instead. The thing is, whenever a ‘pro’ offers his/her take on messy, sultry hair (and they’re keen to, given that I’ve got handfuls of the thick stuff), I’ve loved it. I remember Mathew Alexander working hot rollers through my locks one evening as I trembled in anticipation and watched in awe as he brushed out big, bouncing waves and pinned to one side for perfect 1950s drama. Gawd, I loved it – and got followed down the street by two (rather drunk, it must be said) young banker-boys as I attempted to hail a cab. Mathew’s one instruction of the night: ‘BUY YOURSELF SOME HOT ROLLERS.’ Did I? Did I heck. I simply returned to my staple super-straight side-part, or messy updos with plaited bits & bobs, which is my safety zone… and, well, boring me to death now that I’m preparing to turn 30.

Now, I can’t claim an epiphany (if only), but a few new hair products have helped smooth things out of late, and I’ve found it easier to let my hair do what nature intended for it (sort of wavy, big, and thick), instead of ironing it into subservience.

First up is Aussie Aussome Volume + Conditioning Mousse. Firstly, g-reat idea. I’ve always loved mousse for amping up the roots, but this is the first one I’ve used which really sleekens and adds shine too. Once I’ve applied it to wet hair a comb glides straight through it – nice. Plus (and this is a real bonus for all busy working women), three days in and hair’s still not greasy. It leaves hair bouncy, but not very big – so those with really limp locks might want something stronger – but for me, it adds the necessary oomph with just the right amount of lustre.

So, I’ve been using the Aussie from roots to ear-lengths, and then rubbing a dollop of Ojon Restorative Leave In Treatment through the mid-lengths to ends. This has a very strong, sweet & nutty smell – like cocoa-vanilla icing – but for some reason, I’ve grown to quite like it, especially as it heats up beneath the hair-dryer. It’s like baking! What I like about it is that it’s not siliconey – and there is an incremental improvement to be gained from using it each and every time you blow-dry (my ends do look less knackered). It’s also great to use before a flat-iron as the oils bring out the sort of glitzy shine and straightness that implies health, rather than lank and flat extensions. I like it a lot – but it is expensive. On the pro-side, a little does go a long way and the tube will probably keep me going for 6 months or more.

Now, back to the sulfate-free search. Frederic Fekkai Au Naturel Shampoo and Conditioner have nailed it. It’s been 3 weeks & there’s no build-up (and I’ve been using styling products – as above), a single shampoo leaves hair lovely & clean, but never squeaky or sticky, the scents are great (clean, fresh, smile-inducing) and I’ve had no scalp irritation whatsoever since adding them into my arsenal. The conditioner treads the line between being creamy and lightweight, and just does what it needs to do with no tricky gimmicks or promises that miss the mark. It’s the most effective sulfate-free combo I’ve ever tried. But, as with all great things, there’s a catch: they’re not cheap – £18 each. Gaw! Would I buy? Oh dear… yes, I would, over and over, which I feel rather guilty about (almost £40 on shampers & conditioner?! What would Mister M say?) For the moment, and with both bottles half-full, I’ll live on in ignorant bliss.