...miss malcontent's marvellous misadventures in make-up

Within my office there is barely space to draw breath... barely space to type this. Bookshelves and cabinets house boxes, bottles, jars, tubes... beguiling, bewitching beauty products - lipsticks & lotions, gels & creams, bottles of base & tubes of gloss. Why? Because I am a beauty editor. That is how I earn the crust. And because it is one of the best jobs in the world - besides being Artistic Director of a theatre, movie maker, explorer or tennis player- I shan't complain. What I shall do instead, is attempt an experiment. With no advertisers, no sponsorship, no wrist-slapping editors or panicky marketing managers to meddle with me - I propose to test every single product that crosses my threshold and get unapologetically and publicly excited about the best ones, and thoroughly pissed off with the rest. If it doesn't fulfil a promise, it's binned. If it does, it's going in the cabinet (bathroom, not trophy - although in beauty ed's world, they're on level pegging). Every day brings something different - a toning treatment, a skin elixir, a pheromone-rich scent - every day it's tried, tested and laid bare. Trips beckon, where I'll be pummelled, patted, pricked, prodded and powdered - if it's good, I'll let you in on it. If it's bad, I'll warn you off - arms waving and guns blazing. Stick with me kid... this could be the start of a beautiful friendship...