#142 All Good Things

Oops, I did it again. Life got in the way. But it's given me time to discover a whole host of new, very good things, all of which I've come to rely on when said life is more chaotic than calm.

Bobbi Brown's Oil Free Tinted Moisturiser SPF15 - great. Manages to make even ropey skin look healthy, and works well in summer, because despite the brightest rays, it remains natural and unnoticeable. Holy grail stuff this.

Revlon's Just Bitten Lip Stain. I layer up Passion and Frenzy, for a deep, pink-hued berry mouth. Lasts an age, and is wondeful under lippy too - as the latter wears off, the former stays put, ensuring you're not left with the dreaded fade out.

Kiehl's Line Reducing Eye Brightening Concentrate. This is my new night-time treatment - I use Prevage with SPF during the day. I have absolutely no doubt that the combination has lifted my lack-of-sleep induced circles into a far less frightening realm. Hell, I was even described as 'rested' looking last night. Ha!

All for Eve Body Butter. As far as fuss-free, but efficacious, formulas go, this is a winner. It is delightfully creamy, but not sticky -and rubs in to leave limbs soft, almost damp with moisture, but not tacky.

Nuxe Soleil Prodigieux Beautifying Self-Tanning Body Lotion. My excitement at having found a pleasant body hydrator, that can be rubbed in - clumsily - wherein skin develops a wholly natural golden hue, is insurpassable. Where have you been all my life? Legs were bared for the first time in a year, and the result did not send small children fleeing.

Margaret Dabbs Exfoliating Foot Mousse Scrub. Satisfyingly gritty, this contains both tea tree and emu oil - the result, zingy, smooth, refreshed feet - that are also bright and soft.

# 105 Overrated and Out

I am a smiley and happy person. Always have been. I enjoy all the little things - movies, mornings, Dairy Milk and live music - and spend most days strolling around with a spring in my step. Venting spleen is not a regular part of my repertoire, or it wasn't until I set up this blog. And perhaps because I have this outlet for my secret frustration (The editor wants me to write about what?!! But it's crap!!! Please, can I not just say that it is CRAP!!!? I can't? Why not? I'm fired?! You can't do that!!!! - is how the scene would play out in the middle of an open office), I am far less inclined to gripe about the other stuff. Such as the fact that the only men who ever hit on me are of the unwashed and obnoxious variety; that my bus journey home takes 20 minutes on a good day and an hour and 20 minutes on the one Friday night when I'm making dinner for friends; that they've screwed up the X Factor format beyond repair and that James McAvoy is happily married (and in my world of fictional singledom, this troubles me: cue heart-string twinge).

So, to kick my weekend off in sunny style, I'm offloading a few of my beauty bugbears... in the hope that they might just put a conspiratorial smile on your face too.


Eve Lom Cleanser
Yes, yes, I know - it really does work miracles on some people. And I should know. I was one of the converted for two good skin years, when despite the occasional deep, cystic breakout (should have known!) I reached a pleasing plateau of glow and softness. Then, Eve forgive me, I quit (because I have a problem with how much money she charges for what is essentially a pot of dirt-cheap mineral oil)and my skin manifested itself into what could only be described as a plague upon my face. It took months for things to go back to normal and when I attempted to crawl back to this cleanser, tail between legs, it just wouldn't have me. Spot central. Oh, and don't like the smell either. Polite beauty editors call it 'medicinal' or 'herbal'... don't be fooled... it smells distinctly unnatural... a bit like grubby rubber. On another note, when I started using it (about 8 years ago now), the formula was creamier (and felt better on the skin) than it does now, when I've noticed that it's become grainier.

Salt Scrubs (in general)

Perhaps it's just me, but I've never found a salt scrub that actually does what it says on the packet. I've tried Elemis, The Sanctuary, The Body Shop, Bliss etc etc and the sensation is always distinctly uncomfortable and refuses to produce any ostensible difference (besides redness). Why are they so popular? In the most basic terms you are taking hundreds of shard-edged crystals and scratching them up and down your body and while the surrounding oils may do your skin some good, the salt seems like the obvious miscreant in the equation. Now I steer clear of scrubs altogether and load up my cheap-as-chips Superdrug Exfoliating Gloves with moisturising body wash and have a good rubdown.



Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream
I dislike this for all the same reasons that I dislike the Eve Lom cleanser. It's packed with mineral oil and lanolin (a common irritant) and has the sort of "herbal" (READ: petrol-chemical) smell that turns my stomach. It chapped my lips something chronic, scared the bejesus out of my husband (who said it tasted revolting; kisses off menu for about a month thereafter), and the more I used it, the worse things got. And just to clarify, once and for all, petrolatum cannot hydrate skin. It has no water in it, and as an oil is not refined enough to penetrate even the most superficial layers of skin. It sits atop of the surface, providing a barrier to foreign bodies/drying air currents etc etc certainly, but not doing anything more miraculous than that... which leads me onto...

Vaseline

A ha. Another one. So it looks cool slicked over eyelids and high on cheekbones (on the floodlit runway; in real life it just looks greasy), but it does nothing whatsoever to moisturise lips or any other part of the body. It can make a temporary difference to cracked heels and hands, when worn with conditioning gloves for example, but the results will be short-lived. It does not heal or repair or protect. It is the most basic and bog standard of products, with no beautifying power at its disposal. What-so-ever.


Eyeko Sparkly Eye Pencil

The little kid in me, who used to collect comic books, wear pink capes and sketch Manga-style heroines in Physics lessons, can still be drawn to the quirky beauty brands, but my run in with Eyeko's Sparkly Eye Pencil was far from comical. I foolishly opened it up and ran it along my lashline without testing it on my skin first. Christ, the pain. It's glass-hard, scratchy and uneven (thanks to all the real glitter particles in it...). If you've ever glitter & glued as a child and accidentally rubbed your eyes, you'll know how I felt. This one's a health hazard.


Revlon Beyond Natural Skin Matching Foundation

'It goes on white and adjusts to match your exact skin tone.' Ha! My palest friend looked as though she had been tangoed and I took on a very scary tan shoe polish, with a lovely greasy tide mark around my chin for good measure. Fetching. Ladies, be very wary of anything that says it will change colour to match your complexion... which leads us to...

...Estee Lauder Daywear Plus Sheer Tint Release Formula
The exact same thing. I used it after a shower at the gym. It felt and smelt rather nice, blended easily (feeling much more like a day cream than foundation), and then I hopped on the tube and into town. Woe be-tide mark. The same greasy film of fake tan-ness over skin and when I blew my nose I left a Rorschach Test behind on the sheet. Ick.


Bliss Steep Clean Cleanser
I have a bit of a problem with Bliss in general really. The professional theory sounds enticingly strong (we're famed for our facials, get our skincare here &, voila, have a pro-style treatment at home), but I've never felt it delivers. Regardless of what beauty editors recommend on their pages, what they actually use is what really speaks volumes (and to discover that you have to trawl their cabinets just like every other nosey dinner guest), and I've never found a single one of my beauty ed friends who uses Bliss products themselves. Body, sure! But for face? The formulas all seem a bit too strong, harsh, drastic... take this cleanser for example. The website says: Steep Clean Cleansing Milk is the ultimate cleansing weapon for t-zones that are bogged down by clogging or worse, clad with acne. Formulated with smoothing salicylic acid and enzymes to digest dead cells and diminish inflammation. It's 'the bomb' on breakouts. My beauty ed hackles go up here, because I know that if you're using an enzymatic and salicylic acid formula twice a day, every day, it's more than likely that you'll get to a point where skin will sensitize, or be over-stripped, and then it will begin to play up again. Which is what happened to me. It might work for those with excessively greasy T-zones, but then again, I'm a staunch believer in treating oily skin conditions with oil-based products. 'The bomb' should've been warning enough really...


Embryolisse Cream
Every bloody year 'the models' rave on about this French pharmacy find, which apparently works all number of miracles 'eet's so sooooothing! eet's so caaaaaaalming, eet's soooooo gooooood!'. It's mineral oil is what it is. So, it's not really any better than E45 or any of the other bog standard emollient white creams you get from the chemist... and it absolutely won't work any miracles. Models look that way already. Sorry, but someone had to let you in on the secret.


Kate Somerville Gentle Daily Wash
I had heard and read so many wonderful things about this LA facialist to the stars that when the lovely Space NK PR sent half the line over for me to test, I was convinced I'd find my new favourite thing. What is it they say about great expectations? It left my skin with that horrible if-I-smile-I'm-sure-to-split feeling and a tingle that lasted over an hour. Thank the lord I didn't start with the Purify Cleanser. Ouch.

#89 Coral Blimey

There is a colour that I have had in my make-up bag for over ten years. It has outlasted the neons, the nudes and the naturals, and though it has been made by different brands and come in many, many guises - nail lacquers, cream blushes, lipsticks, glosses and eyeshadows - as far as I'm concerned, it has never gone out of fashion. CORAL. I've never understood the maligning maelstrom that seems to surround this particular shade - or the granny-chat that crops up in the ongoing debate. The fact is, that of all the colours you can slap on your skin and nails, coral will always be one of the most flattering. Think smile-inducing tangerine with a hint-of-pink - avoid anything frosted - and you'll hit upon the mark.

So, where to look?

No 7 Stay Perfect Lipstick in Gay Geranium - a lovely shade that wouldn't look out of place on a late 1930s film set (the name is rather fitting too don't you think?), but also looks great with a very modern, bare face

Korres Colour Blush in 45 Coral - the sort of colour that elicits an 'oooh' in the packet and a smile on the cheek

MAC Tinted Lip Conditioner in Gentle Coral - great for everyday, if you can stomach the sugar-sweet scent

RMK Nail Color in Translucent Coral and RMK Mix Colours for Cheeks in Orange (coral, bronze and pink shades in a single palette) - this company really has a knack for pretty pinks and sweet orange-based shades

And don't pass up Kiss Me Coral which was reissued by Revlon last February following its runaway runway success at Roksanda Ilincic.


My one lost love? Giorgio Armani Sheer Creme Blush in Shade 3 or 5 (I can't remember the number, but know it is nothing like either of the current shades 3 and 5). It was a fiery, warm, terracotta coral that worked absolute wonders on every skintone - I tried it on my milk-white best friend, my coffee-skinned sister and on my own olive-toned face - it just worked every darn time. Then, for a reason that it is still unbeknown to me, they went and discontinued it. Had I been given a heads up, I would've bought the lot. Oh Coral. I am but a fool (for you).

#29 The Goody Bag #2

The bag has now evolved into a 60 cm deep drawer. What am I loving?

The brand new Organic Home Treatment Mists from Natural Magic. Sicilian Lemon & Fresh Basil is a favourite. It’s unusual – the basil could be too strong for some (in fact, it’s not dissimilar to the strength of the basil within MOP’s Mint & Basil range) – but the citrus sharpness just about cuts through it. It is labelled ‘Refresh: Energy Boost’ and doesn’t disappoint.

Essie Nail Polish in Fifth Avenue. I’m sort of annoyed that orange is apparently the colour of the season – lord, I hate those temporal tags - when it’s always been my lacquer of choice and I’ve been wearing it with my summer sandals for over five years. It’s fresher than red, picks up a tan like no other hue and makes me smile whenever my eyes catch sight of my toes. This shade is a beauty. Fittingly, the brighter the day, the more orange it seems and likewise, the duskier it is, the more it veers towards redness. And, of course, because it’s Essie, it’s been on my feet for a full week, in boots, flip-flops, shoes, socks and slippers (such is the odd weather week we’ve been having) – and there isn’t a snag or chip in sight. While we’re on the subject of top talons, MAC’s new Nail Lacquer in Kid Orange – which MAC have adroitly described as ‘unpretentious coral cream’ - is another killer colour that you really can’t miss the mark with.

The Body Shop Lip Colour in Bare. Not really a nudist myself – I like a perky peach, modish coral or vinyl red – this surprised me. It’s a scary toffee/peanut butter sort of colour, but on the lips, it manages to pick out pink and golden colouring – blending to a sophisticated, caramel sheen. I’ve seen it against black, olive and white complexions and it worked well on all. A pretty smart shade-shifter.

And....what am I ditching?

Revlon Pinch Me Cheek Blush. It’s very wet and watery, which feels rather nice, but then you blend it into the skin and watch in bemusement as it disappears completely, leaving no trace of colour or sheen behind. I suggest they go back to the drawing board with this one… au naturel is one thing, but paying for a product that is essentially invisible is quite another.

#28 Tom-Boy-Foolery

Growing up, I had several idols. All heroines, all ballsy belles, all... I suppose, 'tomboys'. Calamity Jane - she was SO cool (until she ditched her gun-slinging in favour of camel-coloured suede and a double-wedding.... ick!!); Wonder Woman; Little Women's Jo and my absolute favourite - George, from Enid Blyton's Famous Five... I loved them all. They made me climb trees, challenge the boys to fisticuffs, scare the 'delicate' girls in my year with vile ghost stories (I even made one girl throw up after a particularly gruesome tale), strut about in oversized tracksuits, with oversized trainers and a baseball cap to match. I was ten years old, and by god, I thought I was cool. I was a tomboy, through and through - but I never wanted to be a 'boy'. I could outrun them, outplay them, outwit them and outfight them. I hated dolls and dressing up. Having my hair plaited. I wanted an action man and a Ghostbusters car and a subscription to a bunch of macabre comics at my local store. I liked my hair cut short, with a 'boy' style fringe at the front (that I was convinced looked like 'curtains' - the coolest boy's look EVER when I hit secondary school). But I soon learned that arm wrestling boys and wearing baggy hoodies wasn't really going to snag me a man. And yes, I liked boys. No, LOVED boys. Perverse really, as being a tomboy meant I was always surrounded by them, but none of them ever fancied me because I'd kick their behinds during lunchtime footie games. Not very sexy.

A lot's changed since then. I still can't resist the odd kickabout. I wear flat shoes everyday as I abhorr that totty 'totter' you develop with stilettos and you'll never ever find me wearing pink (well, George would be disgusted) - but there are more than enough items of powder and paint to cater for a modern, rather glam girl, who still likes to give off a bit of attitude without ever looking cutesy or pouty.

My favourite tomboy trinkets?

Revlon Just Bitten Lip Stain - No need to pack a mirror + gloss for retouching as this liquid is satisfyingly and highly pigmented. It therefore stays put for longer and won't wash off with the first sip of wine. Leaves behind a deeper pink than the competitors, in an 'I've just eaten a punnet of raspberries' sort of way.

MAC Creme Colour in Hush - Multi-purpose - good for tomboys. A slash across eyelids, browbones and the top of cheekbones gives a nice, outdoorsy highlight to the face.

Shiseido Accentuating Colour Stick in Rouge Flush - a great, genuinely 'flushed' colour that you flick on without the hassle of brushes. Even the hamfisted can't go wrong as the colour is never overpowering and the creamy formula blends well.

17 Lash & Brow Mascara - big of brow as I am, I'm always careful to keep my caterpillars in check - with this. It's cheap, but very effective. I've tried almost everything else and nothing's as good - including the Giorgio Armani Eyebrow Gel that gave me a serious case of brow dandruff within hours. Flaky formulas are the WORST. This one is firm, but never rigid.