# 138 Guilt RIP

Right, so it turns out that a new job + a new baby + an almost-new-year adds up to not a spare second to do very much of anything at all. Which is why this blog hasn't been updated in over a month - shameful. I'm sorry. And a wee bit sorrowful. Racked with guilt seems to be my latest thing. I wake up feeling bad for rushing out on the bairn; come in feeling bad for being late; spend days at home feeling bad for having to check in on email when I should be bathing/playing/singing/dancing/smiling at/with the baby; and that list of things to-do - grows and grows and grows, until the guilt at the undone and unsaid and unfinished stuff wakes me up in the middle of the night. But not for very long of course, because I'm currently getting, on average, 24 hours sleep a WEEK. Ouch. Everybody hurts.

But then I realise that I'm being a very silly-billy [thanks mum], and it's time to grow (& shut) up. The fact is, beneath the tiredness & tumult (should I continue to blog so openly when I have a high-profile new job on a consumer magazine? can honesty always be the best policy? will I accidentally slip up here & end up on the silenced scrapheap?), I've realised that I'm creating my own conflicts. The truth is here, and it is that I shall always, always speak my own mind and be honest about my loves, loathes and couldn't-care-lesses. I also know that one of the reasons I landed my new gig is because the editor values an opinionated voice & isn't scared of letting it sing. Yes, we rely on advertising just like every other magazine on the market, but unlike most, my mag also speaks to a unique sort of woman - a truly savvy, enquiring and intelligent type who expects more from her magazine. And that 'more' is, I hope, real & raw & un-revised authority, honestly & insight. That's my modus operandi in my new role - to be REAL - and do away with all the overblown cliches, hyperbole and BS that can haunt beauty. Guilt trip over I say to myself. You are who you are & you were hired for a reason. There is a place in this world where one can be both beauty director & unbiased blogger. Here we go.

So, despite my stint of self-counselling, I've also become one of those women who is forever bemoaning her eye bags, her 5-minute morning make-up routine [it used to be 15], her lack of sleep/rest/lazy/me time... and I just don't like it. The truth is - as the other gazillion working mums out there can testify - it is hard & tiring. But there's another truth nestled among the moans & that's that it's also, really, very, very wonderful. My petite one is now a full 4 months & a bit old, which means that she's becoming a wholehearted, full-throated, big-smiled joy. Gone are those days of crying for no reason, of needing to be held every second, of waking up 11 times a night to feed... she's now content to watch, smile, follow, listen and is also perfectly content to be left alone for rather long periods too... deary me, how things change in the span of an eyelid's blink. I have one entire day a week with her when neither my husband nor sister nor mum nor dad descend, and it's becoming a very special one - where we do simple, smiley things such as playing peekaboo and watching Postman Pat. Joy. We even managed to take a 2-hour mid-morning nap together... a rare, but wondrous treat. Alas, despite her gorgeous mood, I was so busy with washing/cleaning/bottle-making/changing/singing/emailing that I didn't get time to do the essential end-of-the-week groom [I like to go into a long weekend as a scrubbed, buffed & shorn version of myself]. So, here I am now, at 19.20, with baby a-snooze, aware of the wash-and-go session that needs to be fitted into tomorrow's morning... the past weeks have been prime testing ground for the simplest of new regimes - and have turfed up some serious time-saving treasures:

Elemis Melting Cleansing Gel - brand new, lovely oozy, buttery texture, great for a good old massage, then emulsifies beautifully with water to rinse clean away like milk. Good stuff. If only it could be used over eyes too (but then again, if it could, it wouldn't have the same anti-ageing benefits).

Inlight Organic Night Balm - from the rather special fellow who dreamed up Spiezia [which he is now in no way affiliated to], Mario's blend of pure nourishing oils (macadamia, carrot, evening primrose) is so spot-on for winter-sore and tired skin. It's also a lazy girls dream - you literally massage it in all over a cleansed face & a thicker layer makes for an overnight mask too. Watch skin suck it up - mornings aren't so scary now.

Aveda Damage Remedy Treatment - because nobody does it better, and with my 'artificial' poker-straight strands [here's where I get it 'done': http://wemakeupaswegoalong.blogspot.com/2010/10/wish-it-were-sunday.html] it's essential to keep tips in top condition.

OCCO Bath & Body Wash Kornati No 7 - because I'm miles and miles from the sea and this smells like the Turkish coast... mineraly, salt-tinged and a breath of fresh air on bleary-eyed mornings. Oh, and it's about 5 times thicker than normal shower gels, so it goes a hell of a long way.

Jo Malone Vitamin E Body Balm - My beloved Creme de la Mer Body Lotion ran out so I fished this from the cupboard & am mightily impressed. Cocoa-buttery but with a sweet scent that is less cloying than the traditional stuff, it absorbs rather beautifully - none of that rubbing a white-sticky-stripe-leaving cream for minutes until it disappears, nope, despite being thick as peanut butter, a few quick swipes and the body sucks it up. Just luvverly.

Murine Irritation & Redness Relief Eye Drops - from pharmacies this one, but bloody hell, if it doesn't just destroy every trace of the 4-hours-a-night evidence. And unlike most brightening eye drops, this doesn't irritate in the slightest. Ideal SOS stuff - particularly near the end of the working week.

Ojon Rub-Out Dry Cleanser - sometimes it's just utterly impossible to wash & dry my hair. I would like to do so every single day, but at present, I'm managing 3 times a week. Not great. Thankfully, this spray in stuff is truly great [and even better than the KMS one which I've previously raved about]. I spray it in & massage it in with fingers, clip it back, and then proceed with the cleanse/moisturise/make-up routine, then once made up, I take it down & give it a good 30-second upside-down brush, and there you go, big ol' hair once more. Even better on days when you want to do an up-do: just the right amount of quiffy bounce.

And that's it from me for now.

Bye Bye Guilt et Au Revoir Tristesse.

#86 Best of 2008

Taking stock of the spare room, which is now a little sparser thanks to the annual clearout (AKA palming off products to friends & family, instead of buying gifts), has jogged the ol' memory and reminded me of the various things I have loved this year.

My most impressive find of 2008:

Illamasqua Eyelash Curlers - I've used Shu, Mister Mascara, Suqqu, Shiseido... and they were all fine (Shu Uemura was probably the best out of the latter bunch) - but these babies make my lashes shoot for the stars in just a couple of seconds and without risk of wrist injury from repetitive compressing/depressing motion. A great find.

My favourite skincare launch of 2008:

Sarah Chapman Skinesis. I've been using it almost exclusively for the past four months and my skin is very soft, has been far less spotty than normal, and really does have a most un-winter-like glow. The Ultimate Cleanser isn't in the shops yet, but it's a winner. It melts into the skin just like soft butter and leaves it springy to the touch. I'm seriously impressed.

My favourite hair products of 2008:


KMS Makeover Spray (grease? kapow!)has saved my life on more than one occasion

Kerastase Ciment Thermique for strengthening strands when they're feeling brittle

Redken Glass 01 before blow-drying, for when you want hair to look insanely shiny

And as far as failsafe hair-healing conditioners go, it's back to Aveda Damage Remedy Conditioner. A real star.

(p.s. I tried Shu Uemura Art of Hair Muroto Volume range yesterday and did not really like it. My hair was no bigger & the scent was too perfume-y. It did make my hair nice and shiny though - although a bit too static-prone. An overall thumbs down. Bah humbug, I know.)

My favourite body products of 2008:

I tried EVERYTHING this year and had short-lived love affairs with:
Yes to Carrots Body Butter (which I became less impressed with over time as it seemed to develop a knack of blocking pores on my arms and legs. Ick.)

Trilogy Everything Balm (lovely when skin is damp & hot e.g. after a sauna, as it sinks straight in and leaves you feeling like a basted chicken. In a really good way. Not so good at moisturising dry skin though.)

Then, I found my way back to Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse, and I'm very glad I did, because I'd almost forgotten how good this stuff is. And the scent - soft, powdery, chic with a hint of buttery honey - always makes me smile.

My favourite make-up of 2008:

Lipstick Queen in Medieval - makes skin look somehow brighter while never overpowering the face

Jemma Kidd new PRO line - just wait for 2009!

Ruby + Millie Lip Color in Orange 350C - the perfect pop of blood orange

Dior Addict High Shine Lipstick in 554 Backstage Pink - loved the fuchsia that Cheryl Cole kept sporting on X Factor? This is the closest I have come to finding it.

And, a surprise new entry in the long-lasting lippy category: TIGI Bedhead Lip Crayon in Perfect Pink - this stayed put through a 2-hour movie (+ popcorn & pick 'n' mix), followed by cocktails & dinner. Good stuff.

And my other big-thumbs-up beauty finds of 2008:


Origins Organics Totally Pure Deodorant (antibacterial, refreshing & zingy on freshly shorn armpits)

Marc Jacobs Splash in Gardenia (granny in a really really good way)


Dr Weil for Origins Mega Mushroom Mask (great for when skin is conjuring associations with Edward Munch's The Scream)

Dermalogica Stress Relief Candles (a smile-inducing scent even when unlit!)


NEOM Organic Luxury Unwind Skin Treatment Bath Oil (the most perfect blend of lavender and patchouli)

And there you have it. What a cracker.

#84 What Goes Up...

Here is what has got me impressed:

Nivea SOS Lip Balm - good stuff this. More of a cream than an oily balm, it glides on, stays put for hours and provides tangible protection on blustery days. I like it a lot more than the Blistex Intensive Moisturiser, as the Nivea version does away with the mentholy sting & medicinal pong (and opts for a candy-sweet (though not cloying) scent instead).

Jemma Kidd Professional Team Collection - this lady has really got her act together and come up with a brand new line-up that puts to rights the problems with the former products. It's slicker, smarter, formulas work a lot harder, the packaging looks better and it has the well-thought-out feel of a premium line - hence it's new position in Space.NK (it will have left Boots stores by the end of Jan 09). The big hitters? The I-Perfector Prep & Brighten Duo - a double-ended pencil with a flesh toned eyeliner and concealer, both of which effectively cancels out redness and the I-Rescue Bio-Complex Cover - a skin-tinted treatment, concealer & brightener, which has that rare quality of actually buffing away shadows minus chalky crepeiness. Very nice indeed.

NEOM Organic Bath Oil: RESTORE - Two of my favourite essential oils, Jasmine & Sandalwood, are combined in this cosseting blend that has thrice pulled off a rare feat: making me smile at the end of a really, really crappy day. Two small capfuls in a big hot bath fills the room with fragrance, unknots the head, nourishes the skin and makes everything a bit more bearable. A lot to ask from a bath oil, but I'll be darned if this doesn't pull it off.

Here is what has got me depressed:

Urban Retreat The Cleanser - this formula really upsets me. It smells lovely, feels good on the skin, contains lots of thumbs-up ingredients...yet...yet...after just a few days use, I tend towards breakouts (having been clear for months) AND my skin takes on a slightly sensitized, prone-to-stinging feel (with heightened redness around the t-zone). There is definitely something in this pot that is not my face's friend. I do not like you either.

Aveda Damage Remedy Restructuring Shampoo - I LOVE this. BUT (and it's a really big but), after constant use my hair starts to take on the look and feel of the bottom of a ne'er washed chip pan. I rinse and rinse and rinse, but to no avail. It's the Jekyll & Hyde of my bathroom - sometimes producing shiny and bouncy locks; other times leaving me looking like a bedraggled extra from a street-scene in Oliver. I've taken to using it every other wash (rotating with Bumble & Bumble Blue Sundays Shampoo, which gets hair really clean). It's too good to ditch entirely though. How good? I've not had a split end in years...

#46 Return to Splendour

I've had a tropical couple of weeks in a country hotter than a body cavity and having flown out with a case, tagged with the dreaded 'Heavy' stickers, I returned a lot lighter (in luggage), calmer in mind and darker in skin. My stash did not let me down. Here's the verdict:

1. Liz Earle skincare - did the trick. In my opinion the Spiezia Organic Cleanser that I left behind still does the job better, but the Liz Earle combo certainly didn't let my sun/sea/pool-dried face down. Skin was soft, hydrated and clear all holiday.

2. The MOP stuff was hot too. The Conditioning Mist was particularly good - giving hair a simple dose of discipline - keeping it from puffing or frizzing in the heat. For days in the pool, the Styling Conditioner was a convenient choice. Combed through wet locks, it kept them in place, nourished and feeling softer when rinsed out later than night.

3. Aveda Damage Remedy. I used it every night - which is a bit OTT - but my hair never felt limp or greasy. Despite pool and sea marathons, the mane still feels silky and looked shiny every day.

4. Murad Oil-Free Sunblock Tinted SPF15. The hint of colour evened out imperfections whilst protecting me from the late afternoon sunlight. It felt nice and light, although as the mercury rose, it didn't stop me looking sweaty of shiny.

5. Derma Mum Stretch Mark Oil. This is even nicer than the cream. Every evening my limbs were soothed and left glistening with this nourishing blend of oils. I used it everywhere. It's fragrance-free too, so didn't compete with my choice of scent.

6. Sisley Phyto Touche Golden Oil. Used for one night only, on bronzed legs, whilst wearing a mini dress. Desired effect achieved. Wink wink.

7. Liz Earle Suncare. Hmmmm. Effective yes, attractive - h-Oh no. The face protector SPF 25, left a thick, bright, white layer on the skin - of course this is to be expected as it's a PHYSICAL suncreen - but even so, it wasn't sexy. I ended up using the body one a lot more (SPF 15) as it blended down to a less pallid finish and on my face I traded and pledged new allegience to Yon-Ka Ulta Protection Factor 40, which lasted very well, was waterproof and moisturised beautifully.

8. YSL Blush Variation in 16. Well, it ended up being just too pink. Once tanned, my skin longed for a hot red-pink or a golden apricot shade.

And, lest I provoke more wrath from the weather with my jealousy-inducing summer 'capades, I shall leave it there.

#45 Hers & Hers

Packing for a summer holiday takes serious self-control. Or, if you're like me, you'll just nip out and buy a bigger suitcase and then go seriously nuts and cram in every last bottle, in the hope that you'll finally get around to using those summer goodies that the PRs have been sending over to you for the last four months. Hooray I say. It's been joyous. I've been rattling through my drawers and cupboards all week, pulling out saved sachets, myriad minis (I'm taking about 50 which'll take up legions more space than if I'd opted for full sizes) and best of all, make-up palettes with glittering ambers, bronzes, yellows, golds - colours I revel in wearing when I've got a bit of a tan. The entire bottom of my suitcase is now lined with various vessels and I'm all excited. I've got skimpy shorts, bright sundresses, three new bikinis and a product for every possible occassion. I've really given in to my inner beauty ed. this time and here's just a small selection of what I'm packing:

1. Liz Earle Skincare - Skin Repair Light, Cleanse + Polish, Instant Boost Skin Tonic. (I've actually been using Spiezia's Organic Cleanser of late - which I prefer as it's 100% chemical free - but I fear the oil blend would melt and leak all over the luggage if I were to take it with me on this particular escape. NOTE to Spiezia: please make a travel-sized tube!!)

2. MOP C System - Styling Conditioner, Conditioning Mist, Hydrating Shampoo and Conditioner. Nourishing, never strips and smells yu-hummy.

3. Aveda Damage Remedy Intensive Restructuring Treatment. The BEST. No quibbles - works every time and smells wonderful. Bloody brilliant.

4. Murad Oil-Free Tinted Sun Block SPF 15. Have been using it every day - great healthy sheen, potent antioxidant protection.

5. Derma Mum Stretch Mark Oil. The bottle's smaller than the big mama tub of cream that I've been using, but with all the same skin-healing oils.

6. Sisley Phyto Touche Golden Oil. It's mini, looks precious and gives tanned limbs shimmer, without glitter.

7. Liz Earle Suncare. Never tried it, but the chemical-free, broad spectrum protection is just up my street. Let's see how it performs...

8. YSL Blush Variation in 16. A new, vibrant pink/peach shade that I've had stashed for weeks.

All packed. All excited. All done...

#15 Message Scent...

I've never succumbed to the idea that a woman should have a signature scent. It seems to be just the sort of thing that is advised by Debrett's, or Coco Chanel, or eccentric ex-Vogue fashion directors who wear the same precious musk every day and leave notes in their wills about getting doused with the stuff before being buried in it. Personally, I can think of nothing worse. How I wish to smell is dictated by one thing only - my mood. Today I was a Chanel No.19 girl. I needed a classic floral with a grown-up twist to counterbalance my girly sundress and topaz heels. Spot on. Yesterday, I wanted to feel sexy and as it was a little black dress night, I went for Jo Malone Pomegranate Noir - a scent that hooked my nose in seconds. On really happy days, when the sun is shining, but it's not too hot, I make a beeline for Miller Harris Fleur du Matin - I've sprayed it so many times that it's absorbed into the towels and tiles of my guest bathroom, for which I always receive compliments. When I want to lift my spirits or if I'm feeling slightly unwell and can't bear to wear a prim perfume, it's the new Aveda Yatra PureFume. It is how you'd expect to smell after a deep, calming Aveda massage. It uses a blend of four essential oils, two of which (rose and sandalwood) are among my favourites and also crop up in the glorious Aromatherapy Associates Rose & Sandalwood Facial Oil - which I've been known to rub on my wrists and neck in place of parfum.

I love them all - and hundreds more - Prada, Vivienne Westwood, Cerruti, several Miller Harris, Nina Ricci, Antonia's Flowers... Each one will smell 'correct' on a different day and not a single one is fitting all of the time. The joy is in deciphering the day's mood and matching it to the scent. The result can be harmonious - or disastrous. I once wore Miller Harris Citron Citron on a very dark day. A bad mood, bad weather, bad hair day. All day long it jarred - it was hitting major, sharp, citrus notes, while I wanted to be left alone to stomp around in the minors. I should have chosen something smoky, something musky or, perhaps, nothing at all. Then, at least, I wouldn't have had a beautiful scent sullied by my shady temper. But, you see, that is what I love about perfume. It requires a decision to be made that will not only have a visceral effect, but will ultimately also reveal a lot about you to the world at large. It's as communicative as a slash of red lipstick, an Amnesty International bumper sticker, a swastika. And the idea that a single bottle of scent could encapsulate my myriad moods or aptly express my everchanging mental state is nothing but ludicrous. Yet, because I've been asked to name my favourite scent so many times (even during a particularly odd job interview), I almost cultivated a fake one. No one would've known. No one but me...

No, for me, a signature would be nothing more than a fughese, a fake - a forgery.