# 110 Count Me Out

I was going to begin this post by moaning about the winter bug that's still got me out for the count, but, well, I can't be bothered - and dredging up the gory details is not going to do much to improve my mood is it? Suffice it to say that my equation goes a bit like this:

A 7-day flu bug +
7 days of antibiotics to clear a chest infection that will linger for another 5 days +
All of this straight after coming off a 3 Day Superjuice Detox Diet
= Don't F**k About With Your Guts. If you do it'll come back to bite you in the ass. (No pun intended).

And don't forget to read the small print:
PUTTING ONE'S SYSTEM THROUGH UNUSUAL 'HEALTH-PROMOTING' DIETS THAT INVOLVE MOSTLY COLD-FROM-THE-FRIDGE JUICE CONCOCTIONS AND NO FOOD WHATSOEVER (DURING THE COLD AND FLU SEASON WHEN ONE'S BODY IS IN NEED OF HEARTY SOUPS AND STEAMING STEWS) IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. REPEAT: ABORT MISSION. OR RISK HAVING TO SPEND A WEEK IN BED IN A BATHROBE WITH A SICKY FEVER AND NO SMARTIES CAKE FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND'S BABY SHOWER. NOT EVEN A CRUMB. SOB.

So, I thought I'd cheer myself up by dishing the dirt on some disappointing skin offerings instead. Well, my vitriol is one of the few things that isn't contagious...


I ran out of my beloved ESPA Gentle Deep Cleansing Balm last week and rooted a 'standby' Bobbi Brown Cleansing Oil, out of the drawer as I was too sick to travel to the shops. The first few times I used it it was fine - it emulsified well & rinsed cleanly. I did, however, notice that my skin didn't feel as soft as normal and on 3rd or possibly 4th employ, it began to sting - not severely, but in an 'I'm rather harsh and irritating against your oft-blown-nose skin' way. My chin and cheeks were also far drier after cleansing than I deem acceptable. In my experience, the mark of a good cleanser is that even dry skin can stand a few minutes after cleansing and before moisturising, without starting to !SCREAM! at you. Well, this one failed on that count. And I also started to notice blocked pores on my nose and forehead - something I haven't experienced during my entire 6 months with ESPA. As far as this product's concerned, I do not want to be Bobbi's girl ever again.


I ran out of Sisley Nutritive Lip Balm last week too (major bummer as it costs around £35 for a teeny pot), and trialled two other formulas that promised even better results (according to the PRs at any rate). The first was SUQQU Lip Essence Cream, which comes in a swanky and weighty white pot. I liked it at first because it was thick, waxy and unguent, so stayed put, but a couple of days in it became apparent that my lips were not convinced, and therein began the peeling and puckering. I also started to notice a chemical whiff after application which scared me, so I desisted and started on Prescriptives Lip Specialist Triple Action Lip Therapy instead. The latter is a much better bet & has sorted out soreness a treat. The only problem (and it's an insurmountable one) is that come the end of the year Prescriptives will be no longer. So, if you're a fan, it's worth stocking up while you still can. On my part, Sisley's still the best... and sometimes the best is worth the pay-day wait.

As for me, it's back to bed with a mug of tea... sniffle sniffle... and sweeter dreams.

DISCLAIMER: My Juice Detox did not make me sick. It just didn't help me shake my sickness. And it might even have made me sicker than I would have been without it. But I cannot prove it. But just in case it did make me sick, I won't be paying £300 to get knocked out again anytime soon.... Oh sod it. Just sue me.

#4 Face Facts...

Heavy feelings often plague the deskbound. There's nothing profound about it - it comes from sitting around all day and eating unnecessarily. Today it was a belated Easter egg - a Dairy Milk one that my partner picked up from the reduced bin in the supermarket. I've been busy all day - it took me two hours after waking to wash my face - chasing emails from New York, waiting for PRs to confirm plans, trying to finish a feature that I've been batting around for hours, like a morose cat with a ball of string. It's not like I've just been sitting on my arse (she says, defensively). I have managed a walk down to Marks & Spencers in between sending manic emails and making phone calls. Sometimes though, this doesn't seem like a real job. I get things sent to me - today, a large crate of Volumising products from Garnier, an amazing batch of the new Shu Uemura Summer colours and the new Vivienne Westwood Boudoir Sin Garden - and I play with them, sniff them and eventually come to write about them - which I will of course do later - but in between, I'm at chronic risk of letting my days slip by without human contact. None at all. I even 'IM' my sister - we save our talks for the weekend. I called my mum and was surprised to find that she has found the energy to visit her local shopping compound and stock up on early summer swag. What I should of been doing today - I'm ashamed to say - is popping into a series of press days. There was the Halpern one - where the fabulous Japanese brand Suqqu was on show - but this morning I realised that my face and body are quite simply, not in 'meeting the world' mode today. Brows need to be plucked, skin masqued and body depilated. I do not feel footloose - not one bit - I have let this lovely life get the better of me and resolve to make it all better tonight. And when I am in need of beautifying, nothing beats this lengthy, indulgent ritual:

1. Make-up removed with Dermalogica Pre-Cleanse
2. Face washed with Dermalogica Special Cleansing Gel
3. If my skin is having a bad day, looks uneven, feels rough to the touch, I use Liz Earle Gentle Face Exfoliator. Partly because of it's subliminal power - the eye-watering eucalyptus convinces me it's really purifying my pores.
3. I then layer on an oil-free moisturising mask. Dermalogica Skin Hydrating Masque is wonderful - but the pack instructions mendacious. A thin layer does nothing at all. Dry skin sucks it up in miliseconds and then you're left with nothing but residual tightness. No, I drench my skin in the stuff, glooping layer upon layer, around the eyes too - and leave it on for 10 minutes. Normally while showering.
4. If bathing, Elemis Skin Nourishing Milk Bath is good stuff. I was cynical at first - well, I'm allergic to milk - but this left my skin slippery-smooth. It also soothed the odd eczema patch - which is odd, as consuming milk does quite the opposite.
5. Then, if I'm planning a sexy night and want to pounce on Mr Malcontent later on, I heat up the Elemis Exotic Frangipani Monoi Moisture Melt and drizzle it all over my body. The super-sweet scent isn't quite me, more my exotic other self - my Bertha, my erotic woman in the attic. If Bertha is feeling shy or sleepy, I use Dr Hauschka Lemon Body Oil. It has a real sherbertiness and is wonderful in the summer.
6. Most nights, it's my Brown Earth Shea Butter - which really is dividing people at the moment. I love the moist, ever-so-slight tackiness it leaves behind - but my sister, mother and best friend are having none of it. It seems that, for most people, the mark of a good body moisturiser is it's ability to sink in and leave no tactile trace behind. I disagree. For me, there's nothing nicer than a clammily soft limb - it reminds me of my grandmother, who at 72 also happens to have the softest skin I've ever felt. She's used nothing but Nivea for 5o years...
7. Once out of the bath or shower, the masque is rinsed off. Skin spritzed with Dermalogica Multi-Active Toner or Liz Earle Instant Boost Skin Tonic, followed with whatever night potion I feel my skin is in need of. Good ones? Vaishaly Night Nourisher (if skin's feeling normal); Decleor Aromessence Essential Balm (if congested); Liz Earle Skin Repair Moisturiser (if feeling delicate). At the moment I'm also trying to use Estee Lauder's best-selling Advanced Night Repair Concentrate - I really can't say much about it as yet as I'm too fickle to follow a regular routine. I'll give it a fortnight and let you know if I've seen any marked improvements.