#92 Shelf Life

Here's a wee glimpse at the goods & bads in the bathroom at the moment:

1) Still loving Saaf. The rich cleanser & purifying oil combo has worked wonders on a dry-patch-prone forehead and after an epic hormonal chin breakout last week the complexion is settling into a soft, clear and happy place... think I might be in this for the long term... readers have been asking about where this can be purchased, so voila: www.saafpureskincare.com

2) JR Watkins Natural Lemon Shea Butter Body Cream. This one is bound to invoke a very 'Marmite' reaction i.e. you'll either LOVE it or LOATHE it. The fact is, it leaves you smelling like a butter-iced cupcake (well, there are worse things in the world), but it's the natural formula and effective moisturising ability that gets my vote. Unlike other premium products (which have a far less friendly ingredients list) that cloy and turn sticky, this one sinks straight in, so you won't get that horrible, 'stuck to the tube door' feeling. As far as this one's concerned, sugar and spice is niiiiice.

3) Yes to Carrots Lipbalm. I've found that some all natural lipbalms don't do much in the way of moisturising - they just sit ON the lips leaving an oily film that never penetrates or sufficiently softens flaky patches - and have had this problem with both Balance Me Hydrating Rose Otto & Shea Butter Salve and Balm Balm 100% Organic Lip Balm. Yes to Carrots is another matter entirely. The balm has a creamy feel and stays put for far longer than most. Another bonus is that it also comes in watermelon which smells like those sugary, watermelon wedge sweeties you can get at Pick n Mix stations. Big smile.

4) Paul Labreque Restorative Hair Wash. I wish to god I'd found this sooner: quite simply, it's the best repairing shampoo I've ever tried and leaves my hair feeling resilient, full and soft every time, which is no mean feat considering that I've had two chemical straightening treatments, recent colour and haven't had a trim in 4 months (which I am rectifying today, courtesy of superlative scissor sister, Zoe Irwin). When strands are cracking up pair with his Lemongrass Repair Condition - a hot oil that redeems the most ravaged ends. The only thing to be wary of is that the shampoo can begin to leave a bit of a residue on the scalp so be sure to pair it with a good, stimulating massage when rinsing or swap in with a scalp purifying wash every other week: Kérastase Biotic Bain Bio-Recharge Shampoo is another favourite.

5) Elemis Tri Enzyme Resurfacing Gel Mask. Following my aforementioned chin eruptions, the dastardly pimples left a series of dark splotches in their wake - not what you want prior to a TV meeting with a bunch of pernickety producers. SO, I raided the storeroom and came up with this, which I layered on - very generously over the patchy bits and less so over other areas - and left on for ten minutes. Then I rinsed and packed on a thick layer of Dermalogica Multi-Vitamin Power Recovery Masque, which I left on for twenty minutes. The difference that night was marked - patches were significantly lighter and entirely smooth (which made concealing easy as pie), and my skin took on an even tone that did not require foundation for several days. As far as SOS solutions go, this is one I'll be sure to return to whenever I'm readying my face for its close-up...

#91 Princess of Persia

So. The Mister and I are thinking of joining the baby trail. Thank god this blog is anonymous or the batphone would already be ringing - sure to be first on the line, my mother. I've had some hormonal blips of late, linked to my one of my oldest pals, Mr S Tress, so the skin's been a wee bit naughty, with the forehead bumpier than a low-rent carnival ride. Things have, within the past week, returned to normal, but not before a 4-day cold parched my skin faster than Marty McFly's Turbo-Dry jacket.

Looking in the mirror on day five, I realised that my skin looked... hungry... and that perhaps I hadn't been treating it as good as I should have.

Despite having had fantastic results with Sarah Chapman's Skinesis range I had taken a two week break last month & on my return to the line, well, it was back to square one. That's the problem with Retinol. It makes for a seriously vengeful spurned lover. I knew that I needed to ride out the downs (spots, redness, mild inflammation) by reducing the application of the creams & serums to 3 times a week as Sarah herself suggested, and, in time, things would go back to 'normal' as they had done the first time I trialled the line... but... but...

...but it just felt like time for a change and having recently graduated from the Zoe Irwin school of hair colour, with my natural golden brown now a deep, bitter chocolate (the result of a super-shine-inducing vegetable gloss), I wanted skin to match, in an inner glow, organic cotton, rooibos tea, nature reserve, save the elephants, prairie plaits sort of way. I'll also admit that when I think of myself as a pregnant lady, this is the idea that comes to mind: me, a rocking chair, long shiny hair, munching on those pecan and banana muffins you get in Planet Organic. Christ, I need therapy.

Into my malaise fell the cleanser that has been recommended to me more than any other. I tell people that I love Omorovicza and Sarah Chapman and Spiezia and Agera cleansers and they're chomping at the bit to find out if I've tried SAAF. I always smile, politely, and say no, not yet, but I have heard wonderful things about it. There was no better time to test the word of mouth. First up, it's a thick oily balm, which is precisely what I want from my cleansers - three of the four mentioned above being just that too. It smells delicious, is made up solely of natural oils (97.8% organic) - think nourishing safflower and jojoba, along with skin purifying lavender and grapefruit. A chickpea sized amount is enough for the entire face and neck and it melts into skin, the essential oils intensifying in aroma as you massage it in, and feels cosseting and luxurious. Nice nice nice. Then, the customary steam with the muslin cloth and buffing away, leaving skin spongy and comfortable, and entirely ungreasy. I chased this with nothing but two drops of Organic Complexion Boosting Serum - another oil, well combination of oils - which is full of the sort of lovely things that might find their way into a Julie Andrews song: rosehip, lemongrass, juniper berry, jojoba and blackseed oil; your anti-ageing, blemish-clearing, purifying and hydrating bases covered then. At first my skin looked oily and I thought, ah, what a shame, this is not one for the day, but then, ten seconds later, any shine was imperceptible and my skin had clearly glugged down the serum, and left nothing but a soft base, ready for make-up. Two hearty thumbs up.

SAAF, Persian for PURE, seems to have put its money where it's mouth is - and the founder has a knack for getting the best from nature. Her lengthy and laborious clinical trialling methodology (nothing is left to chance) will have a lot to do with that. It's also just the sort of line I would gravitate towards when preggers - all those ethyl poxy para-wotsits you find in regular skincare not really fitting into my grand, green, design...god, I sound like a pre-razor-bobbed Gwyneth Paltrow.

As for my skin...

...so far, Saaf good.

#90 No Kidding Gloves

I remember reading once that Scarlett Johansson's bottom is as soft and pert as a fresh peach. That was the comment made by the make-up artist on the set of 'Lost in Translation', where the bountiful SJ spent an indecent amount of time in her scanties (remember those peer-through sheer pink ones?). Now, before this descends in to perv-ville, I'll cut to the chase and say that on reading those words, my heart sank. Heck, my butt probably dropped another couple of millimetres too. You see, despite dousing myself in lotion and scrubbing my skin until it threatens to bear bone, I've never had flawless, silky skin. It's always better in summer when arms are aired and I've been dipping in and out of the sea (which works wonders) - but on an average day in the middle of London, hidden beneath my clothes there will be a pair of blotchy arms, an unhappy looking thigh and perhaps a slightly scratchy-feeling calf. Schexy? Non. And though I've found some killer body creams in my time, none of them succeed in eking out sufficient, long-term changes.

So, imagine my surprise when I recently spent the evening with my sister and two of her buttery-bodied best friends, and discovered how they had all managed to emerge from winter's sarcophagus, as satin-soft as a Galaxy bar: Exfoliating Gloves - the really cheap ones you can pick up from Boots and Superdrug.

I've tried dozens of sponges, scrubs and body brushes in my time, but until I picked up these man-made (and very scratchy when dry) mitts, I had never come as close to that 'peachy skin' sensation.

My sister (who really does have the SOFTEST skin), has a shower and at the end, when skin is soft and warmed up, douses the gloves (wet) with Dove Moisturising Shower Cream and rubs, in circular motions, from toes to tops of arms. Round and round, just like Karate Kid mid-Wax On Wax Off session. She does it once a week.

Her friend uses Dove too, same gloves, but does it everyday.

Me, well, I've found that taking a lovely long hot bath, filled with NEOM Organics Bath Oil in Restore (there are no words), then popping gloves on, dipping them into the moisturising, oily water, and buffing away at skin while still wet and hot from the bath, shaves off all the scales and leaves things smile-inducingly smooth. To finish, a generous layer of Spiezia Organic Restorative Body Balm (another recent and much-loved discovery). No hyperbole - truly - just blissfully, baby-soft skin. Problem is, the winter wardrobe now seems to assault, rather than comfort... but, well, it's a small price to pay for a posterior as soft (one hopes) as Scarlett's...

#89 Coral Blimey

There is a colour that I have had in my make-up bag for over ten years. It has outlasted the neons, the nudes and the naturals, and though it has been made by different brands and come in many, many guises - nail lacquers, cream blushes, lipsticks, glosses and eyeshadows - as far as I'm concerned, it has never gone out of fashion. CORAL. I've never understood the maligning maelstrom that seems to surround this particular shade - or the granny-chat that crops up in the ongoing debate. The fact is, that of all the colours you can slap on your skin and nails, coral will always be one of the most flattering. Think smile-inducing tangerine with a hint-of-pink - avoid anything frosted - and you'll hit upon the mark.

So, where to look?

No 7 Stay Perfect Lipstick in Gay Geranium - a lovely shade that wouldn't look out of place on a late 1930s film set (the name is rather fitting too don't you think?), but also looks great with a very modern, bare face

Korres Colour Blush in 45 Coral - the sort of colour that elicits an 'oooh' in the packet and a smile on the cheek

MAC Tinted Lip Conditioner in Gentle Coral - great for everyday, if you can stomach the sugar-sweet scent

RMK Nail Color in Translucent Coral and RMK Mix Colours for Cheeks in Orange (coral, bronze and pink shades in a single palette) - this company really has a knack for pretty pinks and sweet orange-based shades

And don't pass up Kiss Me Coral which was reissued by Revlon last February following its runaway runway success at Roksanda Ilincic.


My one lost love? Giorgio Armani Sheer Creme Blush in Shade 3 or 5 (I can't remember the number, but know it is nothing like either of the current shades 3 and 5). It was a fiery, warm, terracotta coral that worked absolute wonders on every skintone - I tried it on my milk-white best friend, my coffee-skinned sister and on my own olive-toned face - it just worked every darn time. Then, for a reason that it is still unbeknown to me, they went and discontinued it. Had I been given a heads up, I would've bought the lot. Oh Coral. I am but a fool (for you).

#88 Truly Unforgivable

I do not wish to be a chastising naysayer, nor do I intend on taking up the flag of the modern feminist (who, by the way, is a seriously dying breed) - but, something surely must be said about the range of fragrance-bath-and-body-garbage that now makes up a serious part of Sean John's avaricious arsenal. Why do today’s ‘stars’ feel the need to pump their questionable wares into an already-saturated market? Sadly, because they sell. And in the case of Sean John’s UNFORGIVABLE for men and women, both scents hit the tops spots across key markets within weeks of launching.

It is not the quality I am descrying (mass market, but of course Mr John had 100% control and tireless input into the scent), nor the scent itself – (a creamy floral with a hint of pina colada. Hey, who’s to say what should rock your boat?) – it is the grasping, ingratiating hands that flock towards the promise within the champagne-coloured (naturally) bottle. The women who fall for the hackneyed ideologies –

‘When she moves, I stop. When she speaks I am lost. She is desire. She is illusion. Elusive in her way. A beauty catching you off guard. Enticing and unnerving. She is control and submission. Intellect and innocence. Sensuality and strength. Capable of taking what you dream and making it real. Of making what's real the ultimate dream. She is the tease. The fulfilment. Only she knows the path between sensuality and strength. Able to entice and unbalance. She is everything that makes dreams real. Everything that pushes limits. Everything that makes this life sexy. She is UNFORGIVABLE.’

Perhaps it seems an obvious question, but what about the above description of a woman makes her unforgivable? Unforgettable perhaps, but to be deemed dangerous and unsettling – solely because one is wiser, bolder and more powerful than a man – implies an uncomfortable double-standard. Of course, double standards are rife here anyway – ‘she is control and submission’? Of course she is. The eternal struggle between the Virgin Mary and the Whore – the fuel firing the fantasy of many a straight man the world over... sexy secretary; naughty nurse; slutty school teacher.

For those who like a bit of role play and have long lived & loved the aspirational lifestyle sold via E!, OK and US Weekly, you’ll be pleased to know that Sean John has expanded the line to include an unguent bubble bath, which comes in a faux-bubbly bottle. Bubbles & bubbly – a nice, neat ploy – but in reality, the plastic bottle looks embarrassingly low-rent. But, there’s no doubting that the new addition will have some popping their corks, while others will roll their eyes in quiet judgement. As for me, the new launch coupled with the uneasy sentiment of the jarring, breathy adverts strikes an unsavoury note that is difficult to forget and, quite impossible to forgive.

#87 Show-Faced

Diet features. Pah. New Year's Resolutions. Hmph. Gym memberships, swanky new kit, visions of a newer, svelter, less-jiggly-thighed you. Forget it. As this is approaching my 30th new year on earth, I have decided to steer well clear of big promises to myself, preferring instead to usher in a far more realistic and exciting era: The Age of the Experimental Me. Da-Da-DAH!

Yep. I've decided, not wholly unlike April Long in this month's US ELLE, to try out an entirely new look every week (she opted for a new hairstyle everyday for 21 days - kudos!) in an effort to shake myself out of my comfort zone AKA my recent descent into the sartorial wilderness. The root cause of my time-out? One word: Winter. This is my scariest season. Every year I imagine buying up cashmere, elegant scarves, new boots, a lovely coat, woolen Franco-centric dresses and dressing like a combination of a Russian Doll and Minnie Mouse. Yet... every year I find something else to spend my money on - this year a broken-into car and broken-down washing machine (groan) - and the fairytale image gets further and further away as I desperately recycle my summer dresses with long-sleeved jersey Ts underneath, spend weeks in my black & grey leggings (they're SO comfy)and long woolen tunics, and pull on my favourite baggy jeans with last season's Uniqlo knits and big scarves. Then, horror of horrors, my favourite Comptoir des Cotonniers skirt bust a zip & my APC coat lost a statement button. Things fall apart...

But, now that the year ends in a '9' (so, scarily, close to '10') rather than an '8' (I still have time to change), I'm determined to hurl myself out of the comfort zone. Not in an unrealistic attempt to get a new body, new man, new life - no cliche copy here - but rather to be able to look at my reflection in the mirror and think, 'Good for you. You look like you care about yourself. Change feels good doesn't it?'

And as with any new hair & make-up endeavour, my search begins in my desk drawers, unearthing the new shades and textures that will give my look an injection of 2009-worthy attitude. The things that caught my eye include:

Bobbi Brown Skin Foundation SPF15 - a lovely water-rich formula that blends very well, leaves a dewy finish and really works wonders at covering uneven blotches. Best on just-buffed skin as it is not moisturising enough to rid you of dry patches, but works well at dispelling any rogue redness around noses.

From MAC, a bevy of exciting things: Creme Colour Base in Pearl Frost, a gold-based icy hue that really lifts & opens eyes, without making you look like the Tin Man. I wore it yesterday, slicked from lashline to top of lid, with a single coat of inky black mascara, and was asked for ID at my local Waitrose. God's. Honest. Truth.

Also from MAC, Mineralize Blush in Dainty, which is a tawny coral, almost terracotta colour, which I've learned from experience looks great worn high on cheekbones and swiped across the bridge of the nose. Easier to wear than a bright pop of pink & great for faking a flush on those who do not like using bronzer. Works well with MAC Tinted Lip Conditioner SPF15 in Petting Pink, with its glorious pink putty hue and candy scent.

Then, a bid to wear mascara more often - jammed deep into lashes and as inky black as possible - I really like Rimmel Sexy Curves with it's thin, grippy brush.

Finally, my love affair with lipstick continues with a shade that begs to be eaten. Korres Mango Butter Lipstick SPF10 in 45/Coral gives a shiny, wet look rather than that matte colour-block of paint effect that's also popular right now (try Sisley if that's the look you're hankering after), but the Korres colour is just so damn hot and the formula is foolproof.

Topped off with a headband - worn, hippie-style, over the hair, to compliment my new, choppy fringe. Don't write off ASOS for great hair accessories - and with the sale still on, I grabbed a gorgeous sailor-stripe bow band for just £2. Love it.

A tally of lovely treats that beat bog-standard New Year's resolutions any day of the week. Particularly on days when I feel nothing more than the urge to bury myself in the duvet. On those days, the whirr of the treadmill jars as acutely as a dentist's drill - but playful hair, a bright lip, shimmering eye and contoured cheek pull me out of my dystopia, shake me up and get me feeling like myself again - less defensive, less buttoned up... within or without the buttons on my APC coat.

#86 Best of 2008

Taking stock of the spare room, which is now a little sparser thanks to the annual clearout (AKA palming off products to friends & family, instead of buying gifts), has jogged the ol' memory and reminded me of the various things I have loved this year.

My most impressive find of 2008:

Illamasqua Eyelash Curlers - I've used Shu, Mister Mascara, Suqqu, Shiseido... and they were all fine (Shu Uemura was probably the best out of the latter bunch) - but these babies make my lashes shoot for the stars in just a couple of seconds and without risk of wrist injury from repetitive compressing/depressing motion. A great find.

My favourite skincare launch of 2008:

Sarah Chapman Skinesis. I've been using it almost exclusively for the past four months and my skin is very soft, has been far less spotty than normal, and really does have a most un-winter-like glow. The Ultimate Cleanser isn't in the shops yet, but it's a winner. It melts into the skin just like soft butter and leaves it springy to the touch. I'm seriously impressed.

My favourite hair products of 2008:


KMS Makeover Spray (grease? kapow!)has saved my life on more than one occasion

Kerastase Ciment Thermique for strengthening strands when they're feeling brittle

Redken Glass 01 before blow-drying, for when you want hair to look insanely shiny

And as far as failsafe hair-healing conditioners go, it's back to Aveda Damage Remedy Conditioner. A real star.

(p.s. I tried Shu Uemura Art of Hair Muroto Volume range yesterday and did not really like it. My hair was no bigger & the scent was too perfume-y. It did make my hair nice and shiny though - although a bit too static-prone. An overall thumbs down. Bah humbug, I know.)

My favourite body products of 2008:

I tried EVERYTHING this year and had short-lived love affairs with:
Yes to Carrots Body Butter (which I became less impressed with over time as it seemed to develop a knack of blocking pores on my arms and legs. Ick.)

Trilogy Everything Balm (lovely when skin is damp & hot e.g. after a sauna, as it sinks straight in and leaves you feeling like a basted chicken. In a really good way. Not so good at moisturising dry skin though.)

Then, I found my way back to Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse, and I'm very glad I did, because I'd almost forgotten how good this stuff is. And the scent - soft, powdery, chic with a hint of buttery honey - always makes me smile.

My favourite make-up of 2008:

Lipstick Queen in Medieval - makes skin look somehow brighter while never overpowering the face

Jemma Kidd new PRO line - just wait for 2009!

Ruby + Millie Lip Color in Orange 350C - the perfect pop of blood orange

Dior Addict High Shine Lipstick in 554 Backstage Pink - loved the fuchsia that Cheryl Cole kept sporting on X Factor? This is the closest I have come to finding it.

And, a surprise new entry in the long-lasting lippy category: TIGI Bedhead Lip Crayon in Perfect Pink - this stayed put through a 2-hour movie (+ popcorn & pick 'n' mix), followed by cocktails & dinner. Good stuff.

And my other big-thumbs-up beauty finds of 2008:


Origins Organics Totally Pure Deodorant (antibacterial, refreshing & zingy on freshly shorn armpits)

Marc Jacobs Splash in Gardenia (granny in a really really good way)


Dr Weil for Origins Mega Mushroom Mask (great for when skin is conjuring associations with Edward Munch's The Scream)

Dermalogica Stress Relief Candles (a smile-inducing scent even when unlit!)


NEOM Organic Luxury Unwind Skin Treatment Bath Oil (the most perfect blend of lavender and patchouli)

And there you have it. What a cracker.